IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe t hat violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence in people’s behavior. What is your opinion?

Many think
voilent
Correct your spelling
violent
games
Use synonyms
 and visual content
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
show examples
 impact on the community,
while
Linking Words
 others say
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they do not contribute to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual conduct. I firmly believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
such
Linking Words
 gruesome visuals experienced on screen can motivate
ones
Check wording
one's
show examples
 actions. A major portion of
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 watching videos or playing
games
Use synonyms
 are teenagers and young adults. These are the future generations, shaping society. Constant exposure to brutality can change their
midset
Use the right word
mindset
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, movies like Human
centipede
Fix capitalization
Centipede
show examples
 or
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Mortal
Combat
Correct your spelling
Kombat
, can prompt
underage
Correct article usage
the underage
show examples
 population into mistaking savagery for
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 and heroism.
Thus
Linking Words
, fixing a faulty principle for future adults.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
periodic
Correct article usage
a periodic
show examples
 boost of adrenaline, making it far more exciting than other genres. The second and most detrimental factor is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the increase in the crime rate. The outcome of
such
Linking Words
 offensive activities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more underage crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, watching movies with lead actors or actresses depicting
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aggressive leadership or playing
games
Use synonyms
 with aggressive
avatar
Fix the agreement mistake
avatars
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can push the viewers into accepting aggression as power. Undermature minds misunderstand the concept,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to group fights and cults.
Moreover
Linking Words
, oppression is
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
, ultimately harming humanity.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 of disturbing pictures and gaming characters are far more harmful than anticipated. It would be advantageous
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to limit the release of
vehemence promoting
Use the right word
violence-promoting
show examples
 leisure activities
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public and replace them with more peaceful and positive alternatives.

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structure
Plan your idea first. Make a clear plan before you write.
grammar
Use short, clear lines. Fix big spelling and grammar errors.
content
Give real and simple examples and explain them.
coherence
Use linking words to show how your ideas fit.
content
You show your view clearly.
content
You try to use reasons and examples to back your view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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