IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and development soft skill in more important Discus both views and give your opinion?

Preparing oneself to fit the
everchanging
Use the right word
ever-changing
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job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 is important.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that formal higher education is essential for employment, some others consider hands-on practice and honing soft skills are more detrimental. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspective and explain why I feel that university
degree
Use synonyms
 is not the most ideal road to be employed.
Firstly
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, 
Use synonyms
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
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 will grant us theories, but real experience allows us to have a trial and error, which is much needed as it is not something a person will learn in the classroom. Take a marketing agent
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, though he learnt the principles to boost sales and customers in
university's
Check wording
university
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 textbooks, understanding how to handle different attitudes of buyers or how different community groups will respond to advertisements
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not something he got from outside of the classroom.
Thus
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, surrounding ourselves with true working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 is ideal to achieve a
job
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.
Secondly
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, back in
2019
Punctuation problem
2019,
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 when
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 lockdown happened, big waves of lay-offs threatened significant proportions of
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 class,
hencewhy
Correct your spelling
hence why
 many people were busying themselves with joining seminars and learning skills online.
Therefore
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, the
job
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market
Use synonyms
modified and underwent
Wrong verb form
has undergone
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 significant changes in
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 employee criteria, one of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 portfolios and certifications, which are
applied
Rephrase
still applied
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 until now.
For instance
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,
employer
Correct article usage
an employer
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 will see candidates with prior experience as advantageous compared to a person with a
degree
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, but
have
Wrong verb form
who has
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 nothing to prove
of
Change preposition
apply
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their skills.
This
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 way, if a
job
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 seeker only has a
degree
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,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will face difficulties
to stand
Wrong verb form
standing
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 out among other applicants. In sum, practical skill developments will
reaps
Wrong verb form
reap
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 more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 than a
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
degree
Use synonyms
due to
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 the
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 which we can possibly obtain if we jump straight
in to
Use the right word
into
show examples
 experiences and the shifted standards in
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
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market
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the idea of relying on the knowledge we gain in the syllabus will not suffice to gain a spot in the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
.

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task-setup
State a clear view and keep to it. Put your main idea in the intro.
argument
Mention both sides more evenly before giving your own view.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell small errors for clarity.
coherence
Use a topic sentence for each paragraph and keep one idea per paragraph.
examples
Give simple, real examples that show how the job market changes.
structure
End with a short restate of your view in the conclusion.
stance
You give your own view and make it clear.
coherence
Linked words like Firstly, Secondly and In sum help the flow.
structure
There is a conclusion that sums up the view.
content
You use a real example (COVID and job market) to back up your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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