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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Many individuals these days have differing ideas as regards to the best educational place and path. One side says that
,
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apply
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 teaching children at home is more productive,
whereas
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,
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apply
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 others support the opinion
of
Change preposition
that
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 pupils should go to educational institutions,
instead
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 of
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 at home. From my point of view,
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
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 system of schools is the most optimal version for literacy. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on both standpoints of these opinions.
To begin
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 with, learning
in house
Use the right word
in-house
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 seems more clear and
safe
Replace the word
safer
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 from parents’ viewpoints
and
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, and
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according to
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this
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 way, they can avoid
from
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apply
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a waste of time and extra expenditures, as well. Foremost
through
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, through
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 academic
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
life,
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 some children, especially younger ones, are open to influences of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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, which can have negative effects on students’ mental health and behaviours.
For instance
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, sometimes they
expose
Verb problem
are under
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 pressure
of
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from
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 their classmates
and
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, and
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 it causes
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
for
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on
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 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Moreover
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, they acknowledge bad
habitants
Check wording
habits
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 from each other and thereby,
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of health problems
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 rising among youths.
On the other hand
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, school
life
Use synonyms
 and its routine are essential for their
life
Use synonyms
 experiences
and
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, and
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this
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 atmosphere
also
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,
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apply
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 teaches something to people
which
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, which
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assist
Verb problem
helps
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 to grow up better. It doesn’t matter, private or
state
Correct article usage
a state
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 educational place, they consistently meet with schoolmates and learn something together
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such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 friendship, love, communication,
team
Use the right word
teamwork
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 work
as well as
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,
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apply
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 a lot of other cognitive abilities.
Therefore
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, they
gaining
Verb problem
are gaining
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 solid characteristic features and skills for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 which they will need
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 teachers are specialised in academic fields and more professional than parents,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why
,
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apply
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 relying on them is
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 option.
To sum up
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, considering all aspects of these ideas, I have come to
conclusion
Correct article usage
the conclusion
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 that
,
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apply
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 attending classes at school is an integral part of being well-educated or
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a good literacy
,
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;
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however
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, parents should supervise their children
,
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apply
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 regularly.

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strength
Your essay shows a view on the topic and tries to compare sides.
weakness
Main ideas are not well explained; give more detail and clearer links between ideas.
error correction
Use short, clear sentences and fix big grammar errors (for example, 'they gaining' -> 'they gain').
advice
Add more simple examples to back up each point.
advice
End with a clear, direct statement that restates your view.
strength
You say school is the best place to learn.
strength
You show two sides in the text.
structure
There is a short plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • homeschooling
  • flexibility
  • individual learning style
  • family bonds
  • safer environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • educational resources
  • socialization
  • commitment
  • diverse viewpoints
  • narrow worldview
  • gaps in learning
  • community programs
  • educational travels
What to do next:
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