IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parent should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, virtual pastime has become ubiquitous all over the world. Some individuals argue that there should be
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on the
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
utilize on
Verb problem
spend
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 watching television or using digital screens,
while
Linking Words
 others do not agree with
this
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. I partially agree with
this
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 notion, for which the vindication would be elaborated in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
children
Use synonyms
 limit their boundaries to the content displayed on the televisions or on mobiles and tend to hesitate to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends because they have become addicted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 virtual gadgets.
As a result
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,
this
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 thing hinders their social development, and they deal with mental problems in their
further
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 life. To exemplify, in 2024, the University of Stanford revealed that around 34% of the young generation in Britain is dealing with depression and anxiety.
Furthermore
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, in
this
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 contemporary era, juveniles are more favourable of a convenient life. Most likely,they spend most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing virtual games and watching cartoons on digital screens, rather than becoming curious about physical games.
As a consequence
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, they become physically inactive, and it leads to issues like obesity, eye strain and many more. To illustrate, the WHO indicates that
due to
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 less physical activity, as compared to the previous century, individuals are having shorter heights. In juxtaposition, technology has become the need of the
time
Use synonyms
. If individuals are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
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, they can become more tech-savvy in future and become part of the race. If parents make restrictions on the
time
Use synonyms
 the
children
Use synonyms
utilize
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 on virtual tools, it can restrain them from the knowledge of modern technology.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the exposure to television is not the real concern, but to
what extent
Check wording
which
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children
Use synonyms
 consume
time
Use synonyms
 on it. So, parents should make a timetable for the
children
Use synonyms
, that what extent of
time
Use synonyms
 they should spend on
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
 and on physical tasks. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can become computer literate
as well as
Linking Words
 physically healthy.

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structure
Plan ideas in a clear order. Start with your view, then the proof, then a short end.
coherence
Use short, easy words. Link ideas with simple joins.
content
Give only facts you can explain well. Make examples fit the topic.
editing
Fix grammar and math order. Read aloud to find mistakes.
structure
The essay shows a clear plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
There are links between ideas.
content
Some facts show your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • development
  • health
  • obesity
  • eyesight
  • social skills
  • interactions
  • distractions
  • homework
  • studying
  • outdoor play
  • hobbies
  • creativity
  • balance
  • boundaries
  • parents
What to do next:
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