IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates the proportions of
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in four
Asean
Use the right word
ASEAN
show examples
 countries from 1970 to 2020,
thus
Linking Words
 the forecast
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2030
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all urban populations experienced an upward trend from the initial
period
Use synonyms
 until 2040,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 some countries faced some fluctuations.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
Philipines
Use the right word
Philippines
show examples
 had the biggest urban
population
Use synonyms
 in 1970 with more than 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
their populations
Fix the agreement mistake
its population
show examples
 living in metropolitan areas, followed by Malaysia,
Thailand
Use synonyms
, and Indonesia respectively.
Although
Linking Words
 the
population
Use synonyms
 accounted for
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 pattern in 1980 and 1990, it began to
dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
 in 2000 to 2010.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
Philipines
Use the right word
Philippines
show examples
 will reach 55 per
cent
Use synonyms
, bigger than
Thailand
Use synonyms
. Malaysia and Indonesia showed similar patterns
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 their urban
population
Use synonyms
 increased drastically during the
period
Use synonyms
.
Started
Wrong verb form
Starting
show examples
 from approximately 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
, the
population
Use synonyms
 surged significantly to almost 3 times, and will reach 85 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2040, the biggest urban
population
Use synonyms
 in South East Asia. Indonesia
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will achieve the second biggest urban
population
Use synonyms
 in Asean
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 more than 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 5 times than the initial
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 started with 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1970, and
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 increased to 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 will reach 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
, the lowest amongst
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 other countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, period, cent, thailand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • population
  • urban
  • cities
  • increase
  • decrease
  • trend
  • grow
  • significant
  • compare
  • predictions
  • features
  • country
  • dwellers
  • reflect
  • levels
  • economic
  • development
  • job opportunities
  • living conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: