IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that helping other
people
Use synonyms
 is a crucial aspect of being rich. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view for several reasons, one of which is that they have more
money
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 to give to charities. I
also
Linking Words
 maintain that other important things need consideration,
such
Linking Words
 as
money
Use synonyms
 could change their behaviour. Nowadays, there are many ways to earn more
money
Use synonyms
 than previous century cause the government is giving more opportunities to
people
Use synonyms
. The more they take the opportunity, they will be more wealthy.
This
Linking Words
 gives them the opportunity to help more disabled, homeless and old
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 will be generous, so that they want to give their
money
Use synonyms
 to charities, hospitals. Take Jahongir Ortiqxo'jayev as an example , who is one of the richest men in Uzbekistan, he always struggles to spend
money
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 wisely to help the helpless
people
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, including many children who fight with incurable diseases: cancer,
leukaemia
Correct word choice
and leukaemia
show examples
. Despite the presence of kindness in society, selfish
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 still exists among certain
people
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. When
such
Linking Words
people
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 earn more
money
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, they will be more arrogant and mean. They want much more wealth than they possess
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they even stole from poor
people
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. Even if they had pure hearts, they would be cruel and greedy, because
money
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 has the power to change
people
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's personalities and moral principles. In conclusion, being wealthy is one of the best opportunities to save many lives
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is not given to any person , so we should keep and use it. Even though we have more
money
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, we have to protect our personality from being evil.

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task response
Make your main point clear in the first paragraph and stay on topic throughout the essay.
task response
Add more reasons and give simple, clear examples to back each point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like and, but, so, because to show how ideas go from one to another.
structure
Organize into clear parts: one idea per paragraph with a short introduction and a conclusion that restates your view.
language
Check your grammar and spell simple words correctly to avoid errors.
content
The writer states a clear view at the start.
illustration
An example from real life is used to show a point.
structure
There is a final line that restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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