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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the students' attitude that matters. Discuss both views and share your opinion.

It is argued that whether academic achievements should
contribute
Wrong verb form
be attributed
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
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 the efforts of
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
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 or diligent pupils. In my opinion, the industriousness and self-discipline of students are the most significant factors in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational success.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain my own opinion. First of all, a competent and passionate mentor can seek the potential and underlying advantages of
learners
Use synonyms
. A considerable number of students cannot develop their own talents owing to insufficient training and
don't be
Verb problem
are not
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 discovered.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a mentor can
guild
Use the right word
guide
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 these gifted
learners
Use synonyms
 to improve their innate ability. To illustrate, mentors will encourage and cultivate
learners
Use synonyms
 to participate
various
Change preposition
in various
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 competitions if they express
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outstanding performance in certain aspects. In Hong Kong, many brilliant pupils are noticed by their own teachers.
However
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,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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insistence and diligence play
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 critical role in academic success. Undoubtedly,
mentor
Correct article usage
a mentor
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 can play a supportive and encouraging role to
learners
Use synonyms
, but achievements should rely on how an individual
spending
Replace the word
spends
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 time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 on their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
For instance
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, many competent students demonstrate high self-demand and self-discipline.
Thus
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, we would spontaneously study and set
up
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apply
show examples
a high goal. When you study at university, you
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to find the most suitable method to learn new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 by yourself
instead
Linking Words
 of
relience
Correct your spelling
relying
 on assistance
by
Change preposition
from
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 others. In conclusion, experienced and senior teachers are easier to discover your gift, but they
only can
Correct word order
can only
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 aid you
in
Change preposition
for
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 a short period.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the good attitudes,
such
Linking Words
 as insistence, self-discipline and diligence, are more crucial and
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 to contribute
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
 success.

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grammar
Grammar needs work. Use a simple, clear form and check verb use.
organization
Make each idea clear with a topic sentence and one main point per paragraph.
content
Give real and clear examples. Do not use vague ideas.
task achievement
Keep your view steady. State your view in the intro and restate it in the end.
structure
The essay states a view and tries to discuss both sides.
cohesion
There is a simple plan with intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
An example from Hong Kong is used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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