IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

the
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Over the
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 past decade, Western society has witnessed a significant rise in the percentage of overweight
children
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, with an increase of nearly 20%.
This
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 worrying trend has serious consequences for both physical and mental health.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes and effects of childhood obesity and propose possible solutions to address
this
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 issue. One of the primary causes of overweight
children
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 is the widespread availability of fast food restaurants and cafés. These establishments offer highly processed meals that are rich in sugar, fat, and calories, which strongly appeal to
children
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.
As a result
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, many young people prefer unhealthy food over nutritious home-cooked meals.
In addition
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, modern lifestyles lack sufficient physical activity, as many
children
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 do not participate in sports or regular exercise. Another contributing factor is excessive screen time. Nowadays,
children
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 spend long hours using tablets, smartphones, or playing video games
such
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 as PlayStation.
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 sedentary
behavior
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behaviour
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 significantly reduces their level of physical movement and increases the risk of weight gain. The effects of
this
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 phenomenon are serious and long-lasting. Overweight
children
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 are more likely to suffer from health problems
such
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 as diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic illnesses at a young age.
Moreover
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, obesity negatively affects
children
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’s mental well-being, as it can lower self-esteem and lead to social isolation or bullying. To tackle
this
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 problem, greater attention should be given to health and fitness awareness. Schools and communities can play an important role by
organizing
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organising
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 sports camps, physical activities, and regular competitions to encourage
children
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 to adopt an active lifestyle.
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, parents should motivate their
children
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 to follow a balanced diet and reduce their consumption of unhealthy food. By promoting healthy habits from an early age,
children
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 can be guided towards better physical and psychological well-being.

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task response
Make a clear plan at the start and a short end.
coherence
Put ideas in a simple order. Use words like first, next, also, finally.
coherence
Add a clear finish that sums up the main point.
content
Give one or two facts to back each reason.
vocabulary
Use easy words only. Keep words short and easy.
structure
Check that each idea is clear and not too long.
structure
The essay has a clear plan and good order of ideas.
coherence
There is good link when moving from one idea to the next.
vocabulary
The writing uses simple and easy words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 2. Screen time
  • 3. Physical activity
  • 4. Fast food consumption
  • 5. Processed foods
  • 6. Nutritional requirements
  • 7. Self-esteem
  • 8. Social isolation
  • 9. Mental health issues
  • 10. Hypertension
  • 11. Respiratory issues
  • 12. Community programs
  • 13. Educational initiatives
  • 14. Government policies
  • 15. Advertisements targeting children
  • 16. Healthy eating habits
  • 17. Subsidies for healthy foods
  • 18. Overweight prevalence
  • 19. Convenience of processed foods
  • 20. Long-term effects
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