The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and lower the age limit for aged ones.

The massive burden of making a society a better place to live relies on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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some opine
increasing
Correct word choice
that increasing
show examples
age
Use synonyms
limitations is by far the best approach to reduce the number of road collisions, in my view, it does not necessarily guarantee safe streets. On the one hand, there is a definite link between people's
age
Use synonyms
and making decisions in emergencies. To clarify, when they get older, they have been experiencing many challenging moments.
As a result
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, they are more likely to control their car in times of emergency.
Moreover
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, their body are strong enough to deal with steers and gears much easily compared to their younger counterparts.
On the other hand
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, people's
age
Use synonyms
has nothing to do with safe driving.
For example
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, there are some inconsiderate drivers who drive
while
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drinking, even if they are in their forties and fifties, which not only endangers the lives of many innocent individuals who have more vulnerable cars, but
also
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their own lives.
Moreover
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, the condition of roads goes a long way in reducing the proportion of motor accidents.
For instance
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, in my country, Iran,
due to
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the wrong policy of our government, roads and streets are at their worst.
Therefore
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, accidents are the number one concern related to the death of residents. In conclusion,
although
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imposing some restrictive rules,
such
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as increasing the
age
Use synonyms
limitation for drivers, can have positive effects on safe streets, I strongly believe
this
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is not enough to tackle road collisions in the community.
Hence
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, the role of authorities is much more significant in
this
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case.

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task response
Give more strong proof for your idea. Add one or two clear example that show the point. Make each idea clear and let each paragraph have one clear point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow from one idea to the next clear. Use small links like also, but, however. Start each paragraph with a clear idea.
strength
You show a clear view about the topic.
strength
You use an example from real life (Iran).
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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