IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

Small
shops
Use synonyms
 competing with large supermarkets and online
shops
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a very hectic activity these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight how it can have consequences on the local
communities
Use synonyms
 and
suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
show examples
 some possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
To begin
Linking Words
, one of the bad effects
this
Linking Words
 issue will bring to the local
communities
Use synonyms
 is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interest in
business
Use synonyms
. Most of the members in the local
communities
Use synonyms
 preferred buying from the small
shops
Use synonyms
 because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
conveniency
Correct your spelling
convenience
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 since the introduction of large
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 have stopped buying from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 because they believe the large ones are
cheap
Correct word choice
cheaper
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 situation has made a lot of people less interested in opening small
businesses
Use synonyms
. It can affect the community because they would
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 the income that those small
businesses
Use synonyms
 would generate.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the less privileged
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as older adults and people will and deformities will be affected more since the small
businesses
Use synonyms
 are sometimes owned by them.
For example
Linking Words
, all the evidence points out that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most of the local
shops
Use synonyms
 in most African countries are owned by pensioners. So if the
lagger
Replace the word
lagging
show examples
 companies compete with them, their
business
Use synonyms
collapse
Correct subject-verb agreement
collapses
show examples
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
show examples
 making them become burden to the government. One of the possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there should be some law enforcement governing the creation of companies
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 small or large.
This
Linking Words
 will help limit competition in the market
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will eventually benefit the community at large. Again, there should be frequent education on marketing strategies in our local
communities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 initiatives would help limit the rate at which small
businesses
Use synonyms
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 interest because of competition from the large companies . In conclusion, the
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 nature of marketing in small and large
businesses
Use synonyms
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the local
communities
Use synonyms
 because the small ones
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 interest and the less privileged suffer most because they own most of the Small
shops
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by
given
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 education on
business
Use synonyms
 management and setting some rules and regulations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 everyone follows
accordingly
Linking Words
.

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task response
The answer is there but needs more strong plan. Add a clear view of the question and give more details for each point.
coherence
Link ideas in a smooth way. Use words like first, next, also, but, however, for example to guide the reader.
grammar
Fix grammer and word choice. Use simple words. Watch for mix of ideas and miss spell words like conveniency and lagger.
content
Give clear examples that fit the point. Do not use too many facts that are not true or not clear.
structure
There is a view about the issue and a plan to fix it.
organization
The essay has an intro and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
What to do next:
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