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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's society, the internet plays a significant role in communication. Some believe that it has brought people closer together, while others argue that it has led to social isolation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the rapid development of technology, people tend to communicate with others by
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 worldwide,
while
Linking Words
 certain individuals opine that
this
Linking Words
causes
Verb problem
leads
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 to social isolation among the next generation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives,
as well as
Linking Words
social
Rephrase
how social
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media
Use synonyms
 is beneficial and helpful to connect with others. On the one hand, social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms can omit the
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
 barrier and provide instant reactions. To illustrate, mankind
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more likely to work or live across the world. Under globalisation, increasingly employees are relocated to work in different countries.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, communication tools,
such
Linking Words
 as
Facetime
Use the right word
FaceTime
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, Skype,
Whatsapp
Use the right word
WhatsApp
show examples
, are able to update the latest information to their families, so they can get closer, even staying in different nations.
In addition
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, digital
media
Use synonyms
 can provide visual content, so it can ease the
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
show examples
 of workers in foreign regions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the younger generation with lower interpersonal skills because of being addicted to online games.
For instance
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, numerous studies reveal that younger people spend
excessive
Correct article usage
an excessive
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 amount of time on the internet,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
have
Verb problem
apply
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fewer opportunities to communicate in person.
As a result
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,
this
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 causes the youth
is
Wrong verb form
to be
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 bad
in
Change preposition
at
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 socialising with
persons
Check wording
others
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 digital
media
Use synonyms
 can offer convenience and instant platforms to connect with families and friends across the world, teenagers have lower communication abilities owing to being obsessed
on
Change preposition
with
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 playing online games.
Thus
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, I suggest that governments should limit the duration of
using
Wrong verb form
use of
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 electronic devices under sixteen years old.
For example
Linking Words
, the
Australia
Use the right word
Australian
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 government plans to ban teenagers ,who are under 16,
adopting
Verb problem
from using
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
.

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organization
Plan first. Put one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like and, but, also.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors and spelling. Use common words and short forms to make ideas clear.
task
Keep the topic steady. Do not add ideas that do not fit the point you make.
content
Give more clear examples and explain how they show the effect on people’s ties to each other.
task response
The essay shows an effort to talk about both sides and to give a view.
content
Some real tools are named, like Facetime and Skype, to show how people stay in touch.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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