Due to grow of obesity among children. Most of people started to seek determination of this problem. to what extend do you agree or disagree

In the modern world, obesity among the young generation is one of the pressing issues that needs to be addressed by the community. I firmly agree with
this
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argument because children are the future of
this
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society.
well-being
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Well-being
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issues concerning being overweight should be determined as it is impacting their future,
also
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, it stresses their parents and the healthcare system.
This
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essay will examine my views in detail with relevant examples. One compelling reason why I support
this
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view is that Without knowing the cause of the problem, it is impossible to identify the solution to prevent the consequences.
Firstly
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, parents are finding it challenging to manage the growing fitness concerns among their kids.
This
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is largely
due to
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the fact of a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits , which have influenced most of the younger generations to fall into obesity issues.
For example
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, a recent student well-being survey conducted by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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says that the processed food consumption rate is potentially growing among young people globally. Another significant factor is that
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issue causes significant stress on healthcare systems.
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is mainly because the children who are obese are more vulnerable to diseases
such
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as
,
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apply
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an increase in blood sugar level
,
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and diabetes.
Therefore
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, doctors are striving to find a cure to control
this
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growing condition as it will impact future generations.
In addition
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, the government had introduced campaigns at schools to advocate for students on healthy eating. In conclusion, I strongly agree that we have to determine the root cause of the obesity problem among the youth, as it is impacting
the
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apply
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personal and societal values.

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structure
Improve the link between ideas. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that shows your main point.
content
Finish the sentence after 'One compelling reason why I support this view is that' and develop the idea with explanation.
grammar
Use simple and exact words. Avoid long, hard phrases; check spelling and punctuation.
content
Add more specific examples and data to back each point. Make sure examples fit your claim.
task
You show a clear view and keep it throughout the essay.
coherence
There are good linking words between sentences and paragraphs.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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