IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

People
Use synonyms
 who go down with illnesses are always encouraged to seek medical care.
However
Linking Words
,
recently
Punctuation problem
recently,
show examples
 a great number of them have developed an interest in seeking healthcare through other means
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as herbal remedies and acupuncture
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
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 of visiting the hospital or clinic.
This
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 serious health implications for
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 increases the sum of money they spend on these treatments. It is an established fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
most herbal preparations used by sick
people
Use synonyms
 are not properly regulated by standard authorities.
This
Linking Words
 predisposes those who
patronize
Change the spelling
patronise
show examples
 it to serious health complications. A common example is the effect these concoctions have on the kidneys and liver. Because
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 molecules are too large for
kidneys
Correct article usage
the kidneys
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 to filter and the liver to
metabolism
Use the right word
metabolise
show examples
, it causes these organs to fail. There are other adverse effects
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 include severe weight loss and increased blood
pressure
Punctuation problem
pressure,
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 to mention a few.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these alternative treatments most often fail to thoroughly assess clients to
know
Verb problem
determine
show examples
 the cause of diseases. They do not have sophisticated machines and equipment to carry out proper analysis to effectively diagnose their patients.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spend so much money at these facilities before
finally
Linking Words
 deciding to seek help at a regular
hospital
Punctuation problem
hospital,
show examples
 by which time a greater chunk of their finances is wasted.
For instance
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, women who have uterine fibroids in Ghana are convinced that when they drink herbal
medicine
Punctuation problem
medicine,
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 it will melt the myomas,
hence
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 they spend on these items, waste so much time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 end up running to the hospital when their conditions worsen.
This
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, in my opinion, is a negative development as it causes even worse disease conditions and
also
Linking Words
serve
Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
show examples
 as a means
extorting
Change preposition
of extorting
show examples
 money from sick
people
Use synonyms
.

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Strength
Your view is clear that the topic is bad. Keep this stance in all parts.
Advice
Add more proof or facts to back up the harm you say.
Advice
Use one main idea per paragraph and link ideas with simple words like also, but, and for example.
Advice
Check grammar: - This have -> This has - its molecules -> its molecules - to metabolism -> to metabolize
Advice
Try to keep sentences short and use 4–5 lines for each idea.
Advice
Be careful with science claims. If you mention kidneys or liver, say 'may harm' or 'can harm' rather than saying they definitely fail.
Strength
The author shows a clear view that the topic is not good.
Strength
A real place example (Ghana) is used to show a point.
Strength
The piece mentions time and money lost, a common worry for readers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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