IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In the present world, one of the main
governments
Check wording
government's
show examples
 tasks is to take care of
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 safety.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 could be done by having
access
Use synonyms
 to their phone call records and messages. Even though some people
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
, others may absolutely disagree with it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is very common to talk
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
, rather than meet up in modern days
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that there are certain conversations the government should not have
access
Use synonyms
 to.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many couples that are maintaining their relationship in long-distance,
additionally
Linking Words
, the only way
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
thy
Use the right word
they
show examples
 can communicate is through messages or calls.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if the law could listen to every conversation, they would be
consideret
Correct your spelling
considered
 as a part of the couple.
Overall
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 behaviour would not be ethical, as these individuals would lack privacy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can be a very confusing place for youths and elderly people. To illustrate, scammers are frequently pretending to be someone they are not (a parent or a
gandchild
Correct your spelling
grandchild
).
Thus
Linking Words
, if a grandparent
recievs
Correct your spelling
receives
 a call
froma
Correct your spelling
from a
 family member who is
ina
Use the right word
in
show examples
 need
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 financial help, often
thiefs
Correct your spelling
thieves
 end up having
access
Use synonyms
 to their
credid
Correct your spelling
credit
 cards.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the government could
infulence
Correct your spelling
influence
 the outcome of these conversations,
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 people would be robbed. To
summirise
Correct your spelling
summarise
, both sides of the argument concerning whether mobile phones should be
stalked
Verb problem
banned
show examples
 or not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong support.
However
Linking Words
, after
thoughtfull
Correct your spelling
thoughtful
 analysis of both sides,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of governments having full
access
Use synonyms
 to
societys
Check wording
society's
show examples
 personal information cannot be supported.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals who struggle with identifying thieves can ask for personal information to make sure that they are not being scammed.

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structure
Plan what you want to say before you write. Make a clear view. State it in the first line.
language
Use short, simple sentences. It helps to keep meaning clear.
cohesion
Put one main idea in one paragraph. Use linking words to show order and add but and also.
language
Check spelling and form of key words (definitely, receive, opportunity).
content
Add more detail to each point with a real example and say why it matters.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
language
Linking words such as first and on the other hand are used.
content
Examples like scams show a real risk and keep the idea clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • privacy
  • communication data
  • public safety
  • terrorist activities
  • serious crimes
  • monitoring
  • tracked
  • unauthorized access
  • fundamental human right
  • abuse of power
  • infringement
  • trust in governmental institutions
  • surveillance capabilities
  • government power
  • overreach
  • strict regulations
  • accountability measures
  • individual rights
  • potential misuse
  • swift interventions
What to do next:
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