IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleeps. what problems can lack of sleep cause? what can be done about lack of sleep?

In recent years, a section of society has claimed that it is a challenge for them to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate sleep.
This
Linking Words
 is because there is no work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance, and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Use synonyms
life-style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
 has
adopted
Verb problem
been adopted
show examples
 by almost every individual.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss its effects and
solutions
Punctuation problem
solutions,
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 followed by the conclusion. Apparently, there is an excessive workload in the corporate world. Even signing off from the office
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 are mentally at their workplace solving an
unresolving
Correct your spelling
unresolved
 issue.
This
Linking Words
 leads to stress and anxiety in their daily
life
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has transformed their living style.
However
Linking Words
, they are working all the time to get
desired
Correct article usage
the desired
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 promotion or to
safe
Replace the word
save
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 themselves from lay-off.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 have adopted
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle and do not move all day along which entails
sleeping
Correct article usage
a sleeping
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 pattern.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it is detrimental for
people
Use synonyms
 to stay calm every time and enjoy their personal
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Fundamentally, corporate employees need to work on their work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance as it is
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 cause of not getting proper sleep. They must spend some quality time with their family and friends every week or fortnight.
This
Linking Words
 would incorporate some moments which they will cherish later at night
instead
Linking Words
 of stress and anxiety.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 must join
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
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 or go for a walk once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day to get over
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
laziness.
This
Linking Words
 will result in getting tired and
sweat
Replace the word
sweating
show examples
, and help in sleeping.
For example
Linking Words
-
Punctuation problem
,
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people
Use synonyms
 who do exercise daily have better sleep patterns as compared to other who do not have any physical movement.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 must incur some changes in their
Use synonyms
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
 to overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sleeping habits. In conclusion, it is difficult for some
people
Use synonyms
 to get adequate sleep because of their
Use synonyms
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 sit all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day and
workload
Check wording
work
show examples
, it would be improved with exercise and enjoying
life
Use synonyms
 outside their offices.

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planning
Plan the essay with a clear start, middle, and end. In the intro, say what you will talk about. In the body, give two ideas and a short detail for each. End with a short conclusion.
structure
Each main idea should start with a simple topic sentence that shows the point. Then add short details.
development
Add more real examples or facts to back up each idea. Simple, real life examples are easy to understand.
language
Fix grammar and word form. Check phrases like 'sedentary life-style has adopted' and use the right form: 'a sedentary lifestyle has been adopted'.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas. Try 'but', 'also', 'as a result', 'therefore' to help flow.
style
Keep language simple and short. Try to use no more than 5-7 long sentences per paragraph.
task
The essay stays on the topic of lack of sleep and its choices.
coherence
The plan moves from problem to help, which gives a clear flow.
structure
The end restates the idea and closes the text.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
What to do next:
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