Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
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modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether
celebrities
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are paid more than they deserve or their earnings
worth
Verb problem
are worth
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their effort and talent. I firmly believe that a certain group of
celebrities
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,
such
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as actors or influencers and bloggers, are overpaid;
however
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, public figures
such
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as athletes do deserve to earn a considerable amount of
money
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.
To begin
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with, fame should not be the leading factor in getting paid. Nowadays, with the prevalence of social media, there is a huge group of bloggers and influencers who are infamous , but they easily earn substantial
money
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by advertising impractical products only because they have so many followers.
Moreover
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, there are many actors
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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earn millions of dollars by participating in a TV show interview or becoming the ambassador of a beauty brand.
Although
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it is undeniable that some of these famous people are highly talented, the gap between the amount of
money
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that
celebrities
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earn and an ordinary construction worker or a scientist is huge.
This
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trend can
also
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affect the young generation and convey a wrong definition of success to them.
On the other hand
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, I agree that some of the
celebrities
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,
such
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as athletes or musicians, deserve every penny they earn. Behind becoming a renowned athlete or a skilled musician are years of practising tirelessly and intensive learning. It is
also
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very hard to succeed in a field
such
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as football with so many competitors around the world.
Sport
Fix the agreement mistake
Sports
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players have a limited time to flourish , and after their golden period is over , which is usually between 18 to 30, they need to switch to other positions ,
such
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as being a coach or earning
money
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by making an endorsement of a sports brand or investing whatever they have earned in other occupations.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that salary and earnings should be based on an individual's merit, skill and contribution to society and welfare.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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there are many
celebrities
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who participate in charity events or establish awareness campaigns, the government should narrow the financial gap between their earning and the salaries of other people.

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task response
Make your view clear in the opening line and keep the same main idea in each paragraph.
examples
Give more real examples and explain how they show your point.
coherence
Use linking words well to join ideas and make the text flow.
grammar
Watch grammar and spell mistakes; use shorter, simple sentences.
style
Try to keep ideas in a straight line and avoid long sentences.
task response
You state a clear view on the topic.
coherence
You use some good connect words to link ideas.
structure
You show both sides of the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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