IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

Today, almost everyone around the world has a smartphone. Thanks to
technology
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, it is now easier than ever to communicate with other
people
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. On one hand,
this
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 is a remarkable
technology
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 achievement of human
civilization
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civilisation
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,
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;
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however
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however,
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 it has some downsides. More and more
people
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use
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 their phones excessively, even if they do not need them.
This
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 is
due to
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 a rise
of
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in
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smartphones
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smartphone
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apps
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. They catch our
attention
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,
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apply
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 with saturated and
colorful colors
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colourful colours
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. Even though the
apps
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 are useless
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people
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, people
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 still
use
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 them for different reasons. The major app that takes human
attention
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 from
whats
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what's
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 truly important in the world
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such
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, such
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 as family , friends spending
time
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 in
nature
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nature,
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 is
tiktok
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TikTok
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.
Tiktok
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TikTok
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 is a sharing short content video platform. There is little regulation on what
can you
Correct word order
you can
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 post there except indecent content. It has only one rule
to
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: to
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 post as
much
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many
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eye catching
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eye-catching
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 videos to get more views. Driven by a great algorithm, usually when
people
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 enter the
platform
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platform,
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 they are unable to comprehend the
time
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 spent.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 more and more
apps
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 started to implement the same strategy.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 we have
apps
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such
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 as
instagram
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Instagram
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,
youtube
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YouTube
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,
snapchat
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Snapchat
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 and more that
use
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 short video content to glue human eyes to the screen. Even though back
then
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 the
apps
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mention
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mentioned
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 above were useful , now they simply fight for your
attention
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.
As a
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result
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result,
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 many kids and adults have
short span
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short-term
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 memory and
attention
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. There is less connection between families . I know families
who
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who,
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while
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eating
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eating,
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 are
doom scrolling
Correct your spelling
doomscrolling
 through their phones and have severe social problems. Another possible reason is the fact
of
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that
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 smartphones are used now for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
day to day
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day-to-day
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 communications. Regardless of whether you are calling your mom in
the
Correct pronoun usage
your
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 free
time
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 or sharing some photos on social media, it is
time
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 you spend in front of a screen. I think the fact of
people
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 spending so much
time
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 on their phones is bad, we lose contact with
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
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 and with the things that matter the most. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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technology
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 is great, but
this
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 does not mean we have to
use
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 it in a way to
affect
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affects
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 our health and social
well being
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well-being
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. We need to
use
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technology
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 only when we need it, not always.

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structure
The essay needs a clear plan. Start with a short intro that says your view, then three body ideas, and finish with a short end.
content
Give more clear reasons and use simple facts or small examples to back your view.
coherence
Use more linking words to show flow. Use words like first, also, but, and finally to connect ideas.
grammar
Fix small spell and grammar errors. Use short and clear sentences, not too long.
content
The essay talks about real apps like TikTok and shows how some people do not talk with family.
structure
There is a clear end that asks for wise use of tech.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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