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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some coutries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

In some places around the world, obesity percentages keep
on
Change preposition
apply
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increasing more and more, and people's diets and health are getting worse each day. In my opinion, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a result of fast
food
Use synonyms
 taking over
instead
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 of fresh homemade
food
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, and
also
Linking Words
 it is because of the lack of exercise. On the one hand,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 instant
food
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 has become popular among the community,
such
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 as frozen
food
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, pre-prepared meals, and packaged items. There are several reasons why, and number one is having no time to cook, and by that I mean nowadays individuals work so many hours,
for instance
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 12 hours a day, and
this
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 leads to having no free time. As for number two, it is the ingredients getting expensive by the day; many find buying
food
Use synonyms
 from outside is much cheaper and not pricey.
However
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, how to solve these problems is by starting to make a schedule and putting in goods that are diverse and will
last
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 two weeks,
for instance
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, and beginning to bake meals on the weekend to avoid getting takeouts.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can see that citizens not going to the gym or doing regular exercise caused the fat proportion to rise in different countries, and the motive behind that lies in,
first,
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gyms being high-priced and costly, and
second,
Linking Words
not exercising and becoming lazy. How can we as a society reduce the overweight ratio?
First,
Linking Words
governments should start funding various sports activities,
for example
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, building a club where you can find many sports, football, tennis, swimming, yoga, and running, and even doing all
this
Linking Words
 may come up with future athletes making their home proud.
To conclude
Linking Words
, excessive fatness is triggered in many ways, and it is dangerous and could hurt or harm oneself, so authorities should start to spread awareness and decrease the
population
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population's
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 eating
bad
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of bad
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 habits and encourage a new healthy lifestyle.

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Task Response
Address all parts of the task and add more detail on causes and measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the idea flow clear. Use linking words like First, Next, Then, Finally to show order.
Structure
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea sentence and then examples.
Grammar
Keep grammar simple. Use short sentences and avoid long phrases.
Lexical Resource
Choose easy words from common use. Avoid hard or long words.
Examples
Add more real examples to show you know the topic.
Task Response
You give your view and offer ideas to help solve the problem.
Ideas
You show a plan for how to fix things in the future.
Coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • fast food consumption
  • unhealthy food options
  • public awareness
  • balanced diet
  • regular exercise
  • urban planning
  • recreational facilities
  • health and fitness
  • weight gain
  • electronic devices
  • healthy lifestyle
  • gym memberships
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