IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this solution outweigh the disadvantages?

Attending university used to be everyone’s dream
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long
period
Check wording
time
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there is a trend that work-based training is a popular choice for more young
people
Use synonyms
 in some countries.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh its benefits. In terms of personal career development, work-based training can limit their
further
Linking Words
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
in
Change preposition
due
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 consequence of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of enough theoretical knowledge
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 must
acquire
Wrong verb form
be acquired
show examples
 in universities as compulsory subjects,
although
Linking Words
 work-based
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
show examples
 can help young
people
Use synonyms
 to find jobs quickly.
For instance
Linking Words
, advanced mathematics and physics can provide useful tools and models to analyse sophisticated engineering problems, and psychology can teach you how to deal with different emotions in reasonable ways,
while
Linking Words
 what
worked-based
Use the right word
works-based
show examples
 training provides about techniques only applied in workshops might not be so
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
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, which can limit the multidisciplinary visions for trainees to solve problems
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different
views
Check wording
perspectives
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, students in
work-based
Correct article usage
a work-based
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 training programme lose their chances to make friends
majored
Correct pronoun usage
who majored
show examples
 in various subjects, which is bad for
expending
Use the right word
expanding
show examples
 their social network in the future.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is harmful for a country to have more
people
Use synonyms
 engaged in work-based training
instead
Linking Words
 of graduating from universities. It can’t be denied that
work-base
Use the right word
work-based
show examples
 training can provide enough employees
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
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 market in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term
indeed
Punctuation problem
, indeed
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.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the high-tech companies need more talents with abundant knowledge in the fields
such
Linking Words
 as aerospace, pharmacy, quantum technology and artificial intelligence, which
levels
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the work-based training programme can’t reach. The studies about
chemistry
Replace the word
chemical
show examples
 reaction
mechanism
Fix the agreement mistake
mechanisms
show examples
also
Linking Words
 need scholars in universities. Without these
people
Use synonyms
 researching state-of-the-art science and technologies, a country will face adverse circumstances that its high-tech
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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 markets lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enough international competitiveness.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can probably be toxic to its economy
growing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the long run.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pros of addressing the problem of labour force in a short time, the trend of choosing work-based training is not only restricted to personal career development, but
also
Linking Words
 a hurdle for a country to its advanced science and technology research and its economic prosperity.
As a result
Linking Words
, the governments should support university education more.

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task response
Make your view clear in your first sentence and keep it through the whole essay.
coherence
Link parts of your essay with simple words like first, then, also, but, so to show how ideas go together.
grammar
Shorten long sentences and use proper punctuation to avoid mistakes.
examples
Give a clear example for each point and connect it to your main idea.
structure
Ask yourself if a paragraph has one main idea and a short ending sentence.
stance
The writer shows a clear stance that disadvantages may be stronger than advantages.
content
Some useful examples are given, such as math and physics, to show theory vs practice.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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