IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today, the expensive price of popular consumer products is because of the power of advertising and not real needs of people. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the high cost of trendy products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their marketing efforts rather than society's real needs.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the statement stands true, especially in terms of social media marketing and the prestige of buying expensive products.
Firstly
Linking Words
, social media usage has reached an all-time high
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 companies are taking advantage of
this
Linking Words
 situation to market their products through online
trends
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, as a
product
Use synonyms
 becomes popular, more people are inclined to buy it to participate
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the trend
while
Linking Words
 disregarding its
expensive
Correct word choice
high
show examples
price
Use synonyms
. 
Moreover
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, staying relevant with the current
trends
Use synonyms
 is perceived to be more important than mindfully
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 a purchase from its
price
Use synonyms
 point. Other than that, 
product
Use synonyms
 advertisement is no longer about its quality, but more
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the pride and exclusivity of having the
product
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, being one of the most expensive brands, many people dream
to buy
Change preposition
of buying
show examples
Hermes
Correct article usage
a Hermes
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 bag because the
brand
Use synonyms
 is famous for handpicking its customers, underlining the
brand
Use synonyms
's exclusivity and luxury.
Thus
Linking Words
, the expensive
price
Use synonyms
 tag is perceived as a part of the luxurious
brand
Use synonyms
 image rather than a drawback. To summarise, it is proven to be agreeable that
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 allows people to neglect a
product
Use synonyms
's high
price
Use synonyms
 point. The culprits behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are the growth of social media
trends
Use synonyms
 and the prestigious image of the brands. Ultimately, advertisements largely induce
consumerism
Replace the word
consumerist
show examples
 habits in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and encourage unnecessary purchases based on
trends
Use synonyms
 and
brand
Use synonyms
 image.

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structure
Plan your essay with a simple map: intro, a few ideas, and a short end.
coherence
Add one more view of the issue and show why your view is right.
coherence
Use clear link words to show flow, such as first, also, but, then.
grammar
Check grammar and make subject and verb agree (for example 'price is' vs 'prices are').
content
Give one or two more real examples to back up each point.
content
Your view is clear.
coherence
There is a link between ideas in places.
example
You use one good example about a famous brand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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