IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.Discuss both views and give your opinion. Thao

There is no doubt that
crimes
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 have increased nowadays. Some
people
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 think that to reduce these
crimes
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, the government have to give longer time for those prisoners in
prison
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others think that there are some better ways to reduce these actions. Both sides will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand. The main thought in
people
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`s minds
that
Verb problem
is that
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 the
prison
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 is the best place for these
people
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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this
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 idea could be possible because they want them away from their families and their children.
Also
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 , their thought stands on the idea that all prisoners should be collected in one place.
Therefore
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,they can be controlled by the security in the
prison
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. For that, they want to give longer time for prisoners in
prison
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 so they can live their lives without any risks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. Other thinkers think that there are some better ways for these
crimes
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 to be reduced.
Firstly
Linking Words
, all humans in society should learn about the effects of
crimes
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 on
people
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`s connections
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 these actions could cut the relationship between
people
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 within the same society,
also
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 it may
affect
Rephrase
also affect
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 the safety of the country , which may lead to a big mess.
Secondly
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, the government should build some programs for these
people
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 to teach them how to control them selfs and how to use their energy to do some good things.
As a result
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, these
crimes
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 will disappear.
To sum up
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.
This
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 issue will still be debatable forever , and nobody can state a clear opinion on it. For me, I believe that to solve
this
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, the government plays a key role in de-escalating
such
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 issues.

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task response
The essay tries to cover two sides, but the plan is not clear. State your clear position in the intro and restate in the conclusion.
coherence
Use a clear plan: intro with your view, body paragraph for view A, body paragraph for view B, and a final paragraph with your view. Use linking words to flow from one idea to the next.
grammar
Grammar and spelling need work. Watch subject-verb form, plural s, and choose simple, accurate words.
content
The essay mentions both sides of the issue.
structure
It ends with a personal view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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