IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that factories and private tour operators should bear the cost of cleaning up environmental pollution, instead of the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

These days,
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 are often debatable.
some
Fix capitalization
Some
show examples
 people argue
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 funds required for environmental remediation should be
bore
Use the right word
borne
show examples
 by the
industries
Use synonyms
 and tourism sectors, rather than depending on government investments. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain my views with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, factories are one of the primary contributors to environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the emission of harmful gases and improper disposal of industrial waste. Many large
industries
Use synonyms
 rely on fossil fuels and chemical processes that release significant amounts of carbon dioxide and other toxic substances into the air.
As a result
Linking Words
, air
pollution
Use synonyms
 increases, leading to serious health problems
such
Linking Words
 as asthma, respiratory disorders, and long-term illnesses among nearby residents.
For example
Linking Words
, several chemical plants around the world have been forced to shut down after their emissions were found to pose severe risks to public health and the environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is reasonable that factories should bear the financial responsibility for cleaning up the
pollution
Use synonyms
 they create, rather than placing
this
Linking Words
 burden on governments and taxpayers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, tourism
industries
Use synonyms
 are another main source of environmental disruption. They deplete natural resources by clearing forests to construct hotels, resorts, and skyscrapers in order to attract tourists and generate income.
Consequently
Linking Words
, leading to
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 habitat of wildlife and
causes
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 deforestation.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia,
Koala
Correct article usage
the Koala
show examples
 has become a highly vulnerable species as its diet consists exclusively of Eucalyptus plants, and the destruction of forests has significantly reduced its population. In conclusion, considering the environmental impacts of those
industries
Use synonyms
 as stated above, I firmly agree that factories and tourism operators have a significant financial accountability to find solutions for environmental remediation, rather than relying on government funds.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
Link ideas with simple and clear topic sentences. Use a few linking words to show order, like first, also, finally.
Grammar
Some grammar and word use are wrong. Check subject-verb form and sentence structure. Use shorter, clear sentences.
Content
You state a clear view and stay with it.
Organization
Your essay has a good form: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: