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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

THE PIE CHARTS ILLUSTRATE THE DISTRIBUTION OF POPULATION IN YAMEN AND ITALY IN THE YEAR 2000, WITH
FORECAST
Correct article usage
a FORECAST
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 FOR 2050, DIVIDED INTO THREE
AGE
Use synonyms
 GROUPS.
OVERALL
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,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
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 IN BOTH COUNTRIES THE
PROPORTION
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 OF THE OLDER POPULATION IS EXPECTED TO INCREASE BY 2050,
WHILE
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 THE SHARE OF YOUNGER
AGE
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 GROUPS WILL DECREASE. THE
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MIDDLE
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MIDDLE-AGE
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AGE
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GROUP
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 SHOWS A RELATIVELY MODERATE CHANGE. IN
YAMEN
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Yemen
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,
THE
Change preposition
in THE
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 YEAR 2000, THE LARGEST
AGE
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GROUP
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 WAS THE NEWBORNS TO 14
YEARS
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 OLD, ACCOUNTING FOR 50.1% OF THE
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PROPORTION
Check wording
population
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, FOLLOWED BY THE
AGE
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GROUP
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 OF 15-59
YEARS
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 OLD
WHICH
Punctuation problem
, WHICH
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REPRESENT
Wrong verb form
represented
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 46.3% OF THE PEOPLE LIVING IN
YAMEN
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Yemen
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,
WHILE
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 THE OLDER
AGE
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CATEGORY
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 IS THE
LESS
Rephrase
least LESS
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CATEGORY
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 WITH ONLY 3.6% IN TOTAL. MEANWHILE, BY 2050, THE
PROPORTION
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 OF THE 0-14
YEARS
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CATEGORY
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 IS EXPECTED TO FALL TO 37.0%,
WHEREAS
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 THE
MIDDLE
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GROUP
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 WILL INCREASE TO 57.3%. THE AGED
GROUP
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 IS SLIGHT RISE TO 5.7%.
IN
Change preposition
On
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OTHER
Correct article usage
the OTHER
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 HAND, IN ITALY
WITHIN
Punctuation problem
, WITHIN
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 THE YEAR 2000,
THE
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the
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MIDDLE
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AGE
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CATEGORY
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 WAS THE LARGEST
GROUP
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 AT 61.6% AND IT IS OVER
THE HALF OF
Use the right word
half of
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Linking Words
OVERALL THE
Correct word order
the overall
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POPULATIONS IN THE
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population in the
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 COUNTRY. FOLLOWED THE 60
YEARS
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 OLD AND MORE
CATEGORY
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 AT 24.1%, THE YOUNGEST
GROUP
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 AT 14.3%. BY 2050, THE
PROPORTION
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 OF THE
MIDDLE
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GROUP
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 DECREASED, BY
THIS
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 THE ELDER
GROUP
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 BECAME THE HIGHEST AT 42.3%,
WHILE
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 WITH 0-14
YEARS
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 OLD
GROUP
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 WILL SEE A SLIGHT DECREASE.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, proportion, middle, group, years, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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