IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive the government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and one of
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 influential changes is the rise of needing to some
majors
Use synonyms
 in certain areas. Some people believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should pay university fees for
students
Use synonyms
 who study subjects that are needed by
society
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
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 they should not receive government funding.
This
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 essay will show two benefits and a drawback of
this
Linking Words
 issue and present my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
although
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this
Linking Words
 idea towards
students
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
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 some
majors
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 that are needed by
society
Use synonyms
, it has some disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 are interested in specialists, but
this
Linking Words
 idea may lead them to other specialists.
In other words
Linking Words
, if they study
majors
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, they will probably
be
Verb problem
find it
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 difficult
for
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
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apply
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 and
they
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apply
show examples
may not pass
it
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apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in some topics
such
Linking Words
 as history and geography, we think
society
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 does not need it, but these topics are important for
society
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, at
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at least
Rephrase
especially for
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 several
students
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.
Secondly
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, it may be difficult to predict all specialists that
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
society
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, because
Verb problem
needs, because
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 there are more elements that affect our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It can be possible to say that we believe some
majors
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Verb problem
are no
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no
Rephrase
not
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need
Replace the word
needed
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 in the future, but
society
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 needs
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when governments support
this
Linking Words
 issue,
society
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 may progress, because there are many
majors
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significantly
Replace the word
significant
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 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 affect to advanced
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, advanced countries
such
Linking Words
 as the United
State
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States
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 and China focus
technology
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on technology
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Punctuation problem
, particular
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particular
Replace the word
particularly
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 artificial intelligence, so these
sciences
Check wording
countries
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 develop
country
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apply
show examples
. By way of conclusion, I think
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of
this
Linking Words
 issue outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 in general.

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task
Make your view clear in the first line and keep it in all parts of the essay.
coherence
Use more link words to join ideas, like also, but, however, and because.
structure
Have one main idea in each paragraph, with a short example to back it up.
grammar
Check grammar. Use short and simple sentence. Fix run-on sentences.
content
Give small, clear examples that fit the idea you state.
structure
The essay shows a clear aim and has a start and end.
coherence
There are some good signs like use of To begin with and On the other hand.
content
The topic is set and some ideas are shown.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic efficiency
  • allocate resources
  • job market
  • unemployment
  • underemployment
  • skill gap
  • critical sectors
  • financial incentives
  • societal needs
  • potential for resentment
  • undervalued
  • academic performance
  • overspecialization
  • diversity in skills
  • cultural development
  • holistic societal growth
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