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Band 5

Some believe the value of travel is overrated. Some talented people know things across the world without travel. People argue whether travel is or not a necessary part of education. To what extent do you agree with it?

There is a common belief that the value gained from travelling is overrated, and there are many talented individuals who have global knowledge without necessarily travelling. Some even argue that visiting other countries shouldn't be a part of an educational journey. In
this
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 essay, I will state my disagreement
to
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with
show examples
this
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 statement with examples.
To begin
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 with, in today's rapidly changing
world
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, it is
partly
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apply
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crucial to stay up to date with the changes happening globally. We live in
a
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apply
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modern
time
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times
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, where in order to grasp a better understanding of each other, it is vital to learn about
people
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's cultures. The first and foremost way of getting into the right path of learning different cultures
,
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apply
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 is travelling. It is understandable that many don't have the
economical
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economic
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 capacity
of affording
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to afford
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 travel costs, but even so, the only
replacement
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alternative
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 to
that is
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 to read about the
researches
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research
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 done from other
people
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's travelling experiences. As an example, for my first year of bachelor studies, I had to do
a
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apply
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research on why Spanish
people
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 tend to be known as a friendly tribe.
Additionally
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, I went to Barcelona for a month
and
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, and
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 during my stay
there
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there,
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 I learned so much about
how
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how,
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 when you look at their history, their unity has always been remarkable.
Furthermore
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, it is apparent that
although
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 not all talented
people
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 have experienced travelling around the
world
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,
on the contrary
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, there are
also
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 many huge names in various
scientifical
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scientific
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 fields who are known to have seen the
world
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.
Therefore
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, it is not reliable to lean on
stats
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the stats
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 of both beliefs. One can learn so much from visiting a country. learning about their traditions, cuisines, cultural differences and even the social interactions with
people
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 from a variety of races
,
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apply
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 can be educational.
However
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, there are many who are not in a position to do so, and they can learn from social media that makes following
people
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's journey all over the
world
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,
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apply
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 easy and
accesible
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accessible
. It is important to mention that even for those who haven't travelled, the travelling experiences of others seem to be greatly helpful. In conclusion, it is still up
to
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for
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 debate whether travelling should be a necessity in education or not. But in my opinion, even if not mandatory, it is best to save money to visit countries around the
world
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. In the end, travelling might make it easier to understand the
people
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 around you who are not from the same culture as you.

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task
Say your view at the start and keep it in the essay.
coherence
Use clear links to join ideas, like and, but, also, in addition.
content
Give 1–2 strong examples and explain them.
grammar
Fix long and hard to read sentences.
strength
The writer shows a clear view in the first part.
strength
There is a real example about Barcelona.
strength
The essay uses other ideas like social media to show balance.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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