Some people say that the public funds should be spent on promoting healthy living than on the treatment of people who are ill. Do you agree or disagree?

Health plays a vital role in an individual's
overall
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well-being and quality of life. It remains a debatable issue whether more money should be
utilized
Verb problem
spent
show examples
on healthy living standards or on medical care. I firmly believe that more emphasis should be given to treating patients, for which explanation is in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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, numerous
disease's
Check wording
diseases'
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treatments are expensive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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due to
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poverty,
lower middle class
Use the right word
lower-middle-class
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people
Use synonyms
can not manage to afford the hospital
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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. To exemplify, data
by
Change preposition
from
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famous
Correct article usage
a famous
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hospital
of
Change preposition
in
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India revealed that, as they were unable to pay for the cure, 60% of cancer patients
were dead
Verb problem
died
show examples
in
past
Correct article usage
the past
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5 years.
Therefore
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, more government hospitals should be established, so that
people
Use synonyms
can
get
Remove the redundancy
apply
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get adequate medication. Simultaneously, some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
take
long
Correct article usage
a long
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time to cure. Having
hospitalized
Wrong verb form
been hospitalised
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for months,
people
Use synonyms
lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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and can not pay for the medicines.
Hence
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, more investments in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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system can help to get free of cost treatment. To
further
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reinforce
this
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idea, some diseases
such
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as
corona virus
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coronavirus
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, flu and many more
originates
Correct subject-verb agreement
originate
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due to
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contamination
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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they need
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
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diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
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.
Consequently
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,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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of patients would be reduced in the hospitals. Simultaneously, there are areas in many countries where
Correct article usage
a proficeint
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proficeint
Correct your spelling
proficient
healthcare system is not accessible. To exemplify, Nunavut has limited resources for curing life-threatening diseases
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Correct article usage
the government
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government
Fix capitalization
Government
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of Canada provides them with air nurses.
As a result
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, if bureaucrats encourage more
to invest
Wrong verb form
investment
show examples
on
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in
show examples
these societies,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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of equality would be created. In conclusion, after taking all aspects into my consideration,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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would like to opine that more attention on
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
system not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
facing poverty and unemployment, but
also
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to cure contagious diseases
as well as
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make remote areas accessible.

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grammar
Fix grammar and spelling to make ideas clear.
coherence
Use better links to show how one point leads to the next.
content
Check facts and data you use, and make them believable.
task response
You take a clear view on the topic.
coherence
You give ideas with some example to back up points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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