IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A survey conducted for the places in which people gain access to the Internet from 1998 to 2004

The bar chart compares the proportion of people who had
access
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 to the World Wide Web in four different locations between 1998 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
home
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 was consistently the most common place to
access
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 the
Internet
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 libraries were the least popular throughout the period. Despite some short-term fluctuations,
Internet
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access
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 generally increased in most locations over time. In 1998, just over 50% of people accessed the
Internet
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 from
home
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, making it the dominant location compared to the others.
By contrast
Linking Words
, only around 10% used the
Internet
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 in libraries. One year later,
home
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access
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 declined to slightly above 40%,
while
Linking Words
 library usage rose modestly to approximately 15%. From 2000 onwards, the proportion of
home
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 users increased steadily, reaching well over 50% by 2004,
whereas
Linking Words
 library
access
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 levelled off at just above 10%. Turning to the remaining locations,
Internet
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access
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 at workplaces and colleges began at under 30% and around 20% respectively.
While
Linking Words
 college
access
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 remained relatively stable over the next two years, workplace
access
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 experienced a slight decline. After 2000, there was a more noticeable decrease in
Internet
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 use at work, falling to just over 10% by 2004.
In contrast
Linking Words
, college
access
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 declined only marginally, ending the period at around 17%.

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Task Response
Add a clear last sentence to sum up the chart, and make sure it is a true end to your essay.
Task Response
Some lines claim every place rose in use, which is not true. Say the home rose and libraries fell or stayed low, and keep to facts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Break the essay into 3 parts: intro, body on each place or group, and a short conclusion. Use small steps to link ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more simple link words to show time and compare, like 'in 1998', 'then', 'by 2004', 'but', 'while'.
Task Response
Give exact data or approximate numbers more evenly. Try to keep the same style for numbers (percent with %).
Language use
Check the use of 'home', 'libraries', 'workplaces', and 'colleges' in plural or singular forms, and keep a steady tone.
Coherence
Good overall read with a clear trend for most places.
Task Achievement
Use of data values to back up points.
Coherence
Logical order in the narrative with a mix of time shifts and location changes.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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