IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is considered by some that the best way to
subside
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 crime rate in societies is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 locking down the
criminals
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there are others who think different methods will be more appropriate to punish them than giving them
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
 sentence. In my opinion, I consider that alternative methods of punishment will be more effective than
prison
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some people think that some
criminals
Use synonyms
 pose a threat to society
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, if they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
be lock
Wrong verb form
locked
show examples
 down in prisons, they will redo their crime
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is dangerous for citizens’ peace
,
Punctuation problem
. Thus
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, they should be in
prison
Use synonyms
 in order to punish them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some people believe that
prison
Use synonyms
 is the best chance for criminal rehabilitation
, to
Punctuation problem
. To
show examples
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
clarify, they say that
criminals
Use synonyms
 can receive education
of
Use the right word
or
show examples
 vocational training
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it easy to modify their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often believed that governments can use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
 as workers for public facilities construction or other aspects where they can learn skills which can
take
Verb problem
help
show examples
 them apart of immoral
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, to put it another
word
Check wording
way
show examples
, being
prisoner
Correct article usage
a prisoner
show examples
 is a negative record that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 finding jobs more difficult.
Additionally
Linking Words
, prisoners can make friends with other offenders
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they re-offend their violent activities more than
previous
Replace the word
previously
show examples
 as a band that
threat
Verb problem
threatens
show examples
 social well-being.
To sum up
Linking Words
, constructive punishments will be more useful than locking the
criminals
Use synonyms
 down in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisons
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 individuals who accidentally
committed
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
 crimes can get
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 chance
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 rehabilitation rather than being
lock
Replace the word
locked
show examples
 down.

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content
In your answer you put both sides and your own view. work to show a clear main idea in each paragraph and keep to one point in each paragraph.
grammar
Use simple and short sentences. Avoid long phrases that can be hard to follow.
structure
Add a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to show what the paragraph will talk about.
content
Give one or two simple examples to support each point. This will show you have thought about the issue.
cohesion
Use linking words like also, but, and so to connect ideas smoothly.
content
You tell your view clearly at the end.
structure
You talk about two sides of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • incapacitating
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • desperation
  • community service
  • mental health support
  • reintegration
  • prevention
  • offenders
  • punitive measures
  • support systems
What to do next:
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