IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machine are new able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The advancement and dramatic dependency of technology are leading machineries to ensure the critical jobs
being
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are being
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 done, which were previously required human intervention.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
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apply
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the pros and cons of
this
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 issue. There are compelling numbers of positive sides of using advanced technology. The first and foremost is the ample amount of time
that is
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 saved by using digital machines
such
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 as computers, robotics, sensor-based detectors
etc
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, etc
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.
This
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 enables operational
organizations
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organisations
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 to reduce manpower and investment against any task or project
activties
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activities
.
For instance
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,
few
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a few
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manufac turing
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manufacturing
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 industries in China are fully based on robotics in production
unit
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units
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instead
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human-related
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of human-related
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 tasks.
Consequently
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, companies get benefits through saving
the
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apply
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labour
cost
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costs
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 and
enhance
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enhancing
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 the efficiency in production outcomes.
On the other hand
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, major drawbacks of completely relying on technology, rather
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than utilizing
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utilizing
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utilising
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human
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the human
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brain
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brain,
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 are non-negotiable. Technologies often lead
negative
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to negative
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 impacts
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such
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, such
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 as
cyber security
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cybersecurity
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, hacking of confidential
system
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systems
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, providing wrong output
by
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due to
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 misleading information and so on.
For example
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, in corporate sectors, data analysis tools often provide misleading information if the input
does
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is
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 not
place
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placed
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 correctly. Another negative reason
of
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for
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 technology-focused work
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that
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is that
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is
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it is
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 causing potential unemployment risks in vast industries.
As a result
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, manpower is
non-utilized
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non-utilised
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 in many workplaces. From my perspective, though, the negative impacts of technological advancement are non-debatable
,
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;
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 the positive reinforcement and results are way more encouraged in
this
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 era. Despite the data misuse issues
are
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being
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 acknowledged in
digital
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the digital
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 community, the government should draw attention to provide funds and ameliorate the usage of digital
machineries
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machinery
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 and tools in diversified industries.

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weakness
Task response needs more clear ideas and full detail. Add longer, well explained points and show how they lead to your view.
improvement
Coherence and cohesion can be better. Use clear plan for each paragraph; link ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'however', 'also'.
improvement
Grammar and word use have errors. fix spelling and form. Use simple and correct words.
improvement
End with a strong conclusion that restates your view and sums up key points.
strength
The essay shows both sides and gives a clear personal view.
strength
It uses examples from industry to back ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • machine
  • work
  • people
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • loss
  • speed
  • accuracy
  • time
  • cost
  • safe
  • danger
  • job
  • replace
  • create
  • train
  • education
  • policy
  • plan
  • skill
  • repair
  • maintenance
  • privacy
  • security
  • quality
  • workload
  • dependence
  • efficiency
  • growth
  • equal
  • opportunity
  • future
  • balance
  • use
  • risk
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
What to do next:
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