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Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machine are new able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary world, the rapid development of technology has infiltrated almost all aspects of our lives, entirely
revolutionizing
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revolutionising
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 certain industries by automating and
digitalizing
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digitalising
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 them. Resultantly, a multitude of professionals have been superseded by robots. It is my contention that technology is a multifaceted phenomenon with merits and demerits simultaneously.
To begin
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 with, technological advancements have been playing an indispensable part in the massive transformation of manufacturing industries. To exemplify
this
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 statement, over the
last
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 century, the production capacity of plants increased drastically
due to
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 the substitution of the human workforce with machine power
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is relatively faster,
cheap
Correct word choice
cheaper
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 to run and sustainable as compared to other alternatives.
Consequently
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, these advancements brought about the parallel improvement of other industries, one feeding the other perpetually
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 order to make
this
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 world a sufficient place to live.
Furthermore
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, another advantage of
this
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 technological takeover is that
machines
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 are renowned for their ability to produce many materials with almost zero blemishes, a feat
that is
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 often unattainable with human
incorporation
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involvement
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. Companies like Toyota and Amazon have replaced a huge number of their employees with robots with high production throughput to reach their heydays. Whilst their production capacity increased by almost tenfold, the quality errors have gone down to zero, offsetting their investment costs
under
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in
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 the first two years.
On the contrary
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, though many conglomerates derive massive benefits through exploiting the advantages of machinery,
this
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 trend
has
Correct word order
also has
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also
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 a downgrading impact on humanity. It is evident that if
this
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 propensity to replace humans with
machines
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 continues
further
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 on, presumably a big majority of the human population will be unemployed,
thus
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,
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apply
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 leading to a modern catastrophe which cannot be undone. Undoubtedly,
this
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 magnitude of an event will cause many financial crises to break out, eventually derailing the entire economy. In conclusion, despite the fact that the risk of an economic downturn is imminent if business owners keep substituting their employees with
machines
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, the salient benefits of
machines
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 over humans outweigh
its
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their
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 drawbacks.

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improvement
Be clear about your answer to the question. State your view in the first paragraph and keep it steady.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit. Signpost with words like first, next, but, so.
language
Some sentences are long and hard. Make them short and use plain words.
content
Give more exact examples with few details to show why points matter.
content
Clear view in the end that tech brings more good than bad
content
Use of real company names shows you know the topic
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • machine
  • work
  • people
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • loss
  • speed
  • accuracy
  • time
  • cost
  • safe
  • danger
  • job
  • replace
  • create
  • train
  • education
  • policy
  • plan
  • skill
  • repair
  • maintenance
  • privacy
  • security
  • quality
  • workload
  • dependence
  • efficiency
  • growth
  • equal
  • opportunity
  • future
  • balance
  • use
  • risk
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
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