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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Television dominates the free time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others.

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the way of entertainment is no exception.
While
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 some opine that digital devices, like
TV
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, play a crucial role in entertaining
people
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 in their leisure
time
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, which results in a shockingly sedentary lifestyle among them, I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint, as they do not have enough
time
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 to be beside their friends and family members and even burn any calories.
Firstly
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, there is a definite link between
people
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's lifestyle and the shape of their bodies. To clarify, gone are the days when
people
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 used to spend most of their spare
time
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 beside those who care about them, and many used to entertain themselves by travelling to eye-catching scenery and even dropping by their relatives' houses. Maybe they used to be really healthy.
However
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, nowadays, thanks to modern tools,
such
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 as
TV
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, mobile phones, and laptops, they tend to stay at home in front of the
TV
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 set to spend their free
time
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, which results in grossly overweight shapes among them, since they do not move their body and burn any calories.
Secondly
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, these kinds of smart tools are really addictive. Indeed, they bombarded
people
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 with a torrent of channels and prevailing pictures in just a few clicks. In
this
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 way, many have become used to exploring
such
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 smart gadgets,
instead
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 of being beside their family members.
As a result
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, they do not have sufficient
time
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 to get
along with
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 others , and they stay away from real
people
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, which not only stops them from socialising with others,but
also
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 can cause many physical problems,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 obesity and spinal-related issues, as they gaze at to monitor for long hours without any movement. In conclusion, no one dares to deny the negative effects of digital devices on individuals' health. I strongly believe that watching
TV
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 for a long period of
time
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 Use synonyms agedatedayerafuturegenerationhourlifemomentmonth It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
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, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. wastes a lot of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 and it causes many long-term and dire consequences for humans , ranging from, obesity and poor eyesight to loneliness and isolation.

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planning
Plan first. Say your view in the first part and list the points you will discuss.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph. Keep one main idea per paragraph.
structure
Finish the conclusion by restating your view and giving a short final thought.
grammar
Keep sentences short and clear. Use simple grammar and common words.
content
Give real examples and explain how each one shows your point.
editing
Check spelling and punctuation to avoid mistakes.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the issue.
content
Some good ideas are given about how screens can keep people from being with others.
cohesion
The text uses words like first and second to link ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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