IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In our modern era,
wellness
Correct article usage
the wellness
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 is becoming a global debate. I strongly disagree
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will explain the 2
keys
Fix the agreement mistake
key
show examples
 reasons. As a starting point, medicine has made huge progress in
this
Linking Words
 century.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 my best friend is taking a specific medicine for asthma
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
year
Correct word choice
last year
show examples
 he
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 taking
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 product. And he told me he is feeling much better, he
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more breath and doesn't have
palpitation
Fix the agreement mistake
palpitations
show examples
 like the older medicine.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 the
treaments
Correct your spelling
treatments
 are better,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more effective than before against
disease
Correct article usage
the disease
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 side effects. Turning to another aspect related to the price for
medecine
Correct your spelling
medicine
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is growing more and more, it is true that the average person can not always pay themself for expensive treatment
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there is
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem. There is a high variety of
health
Use synonyms
assurance
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 the state can
pay fully
Correct word order
fully pay
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
treaments
Correct your spelling
treatments
 for patients who can not afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 in France for poor
people
Use synonyms
 there is a special
health
Use synonyms
assurance
Use synonyms
 from the state for poor
people
Use synonyms
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 don't have to pay for
health
Use synonyms
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
 or medical consultation. Even for
people
Use synonyms
 who are a bit richer but
steel
Use the right word
still
show examples
 in the
average
Punctuation problem
average,
show examples
 there is
health
Use synonyms
 insurance with the best value for money. In my
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 I paid 200€ yearly for
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
health
Use synonyms
assurance
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
show examples
 more than 1000€ medical services. On that
account
Add a comma
account,
show examples
 I think that the
average
Correct word choice
ordinary
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 can have new treatments even if
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more expensive and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a better shape.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 I believe
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 of the middle class will be higher because of the nice evolution of
treamtments
Correct your spelling
treatments
,
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
assurance
Use the right word
insurance
show examples
 and the help of
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
.

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content
Make your view clear from the start and keep it the same in all of the essay.
structure
Plan with 1 intro, 2 body parts, and 1 ending. Start each body with a short idea and add a simple example.
language
Use easy words to link ideas, like also, but, because, so, for example.
language
Check words: health, treatment, insure, state help, and spelling.
structure
The essay uses some real ideas and has a closing line.
content
There are two ideas with examples.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
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