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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is better for teenagers to work part-time jobs while they are still studying, while others think they should focus only on their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some of the public think that it is better for teenagers to be employed as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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part-
time
Use synonyms
 workers.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others argue that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on their learning.
Although
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 both theories have their own merits, I believe that if
students
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worked
Punctuation problem
worked,
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 it would be better for them. One of the primary merits of being an employee
while
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 studying
,
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apply
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 is that you will be familiar with workplaces before graduation, which is incredibly beneficial for
students
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.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 would learn some
skills
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that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 crucial for
Correct article usage
the labor
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 market.
For example
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, they would possess the ability to work under pressure ,and they would enhance their communication
skills
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.
Besides
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 the financial support, work would be beneficial
on the side
Rephrase
in terms
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 of practical
skills
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.
On the other hand
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, if a teenager were not able to manage his
time
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, it would not be a good idea to work. Having a job
while
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 studying without
possesses
Wrong verb form
possessing
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time
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 management
skills
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 would become a problem because the student would face lots and lost of challenges that might break him down.
Consequently
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, some
students
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 should focus on their education rather than working if they
had
Verb problem
do
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 not
enough
Verb problem
have enough
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time
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 or
had
Verb problem
do
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 not
the
Verb problem
have the
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 ability to manage their
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, working
part-
Correct article usage
a part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 job for a student would
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
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 crucial
skills
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,
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apply
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 and financial support.
On the other hand
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, it might be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problematic for some
students
Use synonyms
 who do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 ,or have a lack of experience in
time
Use synonyms
 management.
However
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, I believe that the upsides of working for teenagers outweigh the downsides.

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task response
Improve balance by adding more clear, specific examples for each point and make a strong, plain conclusion that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Make ideas flow smoothly with clear topic sentences and better linking between paragraphs.
language use
Fix grammar errors and use simple, correct forms to avoid mistakes that slow reading.
task response
The essay shows a clear view and covers both sides.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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