IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to imporse a higher tax on this kind of food. TO what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the prevailing era, the majority of people eat unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, resulting
major
Change preposition
in major
show examples
 health-related problems around the globe.
Hence
Linking Words
, authorities should impose
Correct article usage
a lavy
show examples
lavy
Use the right word
levy
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on the
items
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 having
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 can deter
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 them, I contend that it would not be a long-lasting solution to
mitiage
Correct your spelling
mitigate
 the predicament. Commencing with the most salient reason why the government ought to introduce
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on junk
food
Use synonyms
 is that
this
Linking Words
 tendency would make
food
Use synonyms
 unaffordable for individuals. Many of them are more likely to cook cuisines at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is generally considered healthy. To exemplify, locals in India
occasinally
Correct your spelling
occasionally
 purchase
food
Use synonyms
 from
stores
Use synonyms
, namely KFC, Tim Hortons, and etcetera. Making
food
Use synonyms
 at home is quite popular there because
if
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 costs.
However
Linking Words
, I contend that
this
Linking Words
 step would not
conducive
Verb problem
be conducive
show examples
 in many nations.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 its cost, people may still buy them because of the limited time. In some nations
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
 countries,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 have become
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 which they have less time to prepare
healthy
Punctuation problem
healthy,
show examples
 edible and
bevarage
Correct your spelling
beverage
items
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon usually
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to consume processed
food
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is available almost everywhere nowadays. To combat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the issue, authorities should ban
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
, and
stores
Use synonyms
 that cook healthy
items
Use synonyms
 should be built. To illustrate,
Afganistan
Correct your spelling
Afghanistan
 is one of the nations where only local
stores
Use synonyms
 are
available
Punctuation problem
available,
show examples
 where people can only buy nutritious
items
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though implementing
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 by the government
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 expensive, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 predicament can be solved
unless
Change preposition
if
show examples
 the government
ban
Correct subject-verb agreement
bans
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 outlets.

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task response
Tell your view clearly in one line in the intro. Then say more on why you think this. Stick to one main idea and one or two small points.
coherence
Use less hard and long phrase. Check spelling and fix big mistakes. Use simple words.
coherence
Make your examples easy. Explain how they show your point, not just for show.
coherence
Make a short ending that repeats your view and says what you think should be done.
coherence
Try to avoid too many new ideas in one paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
content
You give a stance and discuss tax on junk food.
content
Some examples are used to show your idea.
structure
There is a clear basic structure with intro, body and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • government intervention
  • taxation
  • healthy eating habits
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritious alternatives
  • affordable food options
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health problems
  • rise in consumption
What to do next:
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