IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? What effects does this have on the people themselves and on their families?

In today’s world, many individuals find that they have less time with
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. Before,
such
Linking Words
 occurrences were limited to just a few places, but now, citizens in many countries experience something similar.
This
Linking Words
 essay will try to identify the factors contributing to
this
Linking Words
 and
also
Linking Words
 explain some effects that may emerge because of
this
Linking Words
 problem. There are numerous reasons why
this
Linking Words
 is happening. The first one is that the increased standard of living
is requiring
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 breadwinners to seek better opportunities farther from home. Domestically,
this
Linking Words
 may mean working in a nearby town or city on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weekdays and going home on the weekends.
However
Linking Words
, other times, the search for better job vacancies often requires them to work abroad for months or years. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 shift is society’s promotion of independence. Nowadays, a person is considered mature and successful if they can live independently.
Thus
Linking Words
, many teenagers leave home early, preferring to study in faraway cities.
Such
Linking Words
 independence may
also
Linking Words
 encourage spouses to maintain separate career paths that keep them away from one another for extended periods. Unfortunately,
such
Linking Words
 a long time apart takes its toll on individuals and their families. Homesickness is often a result of time away from the family, leading to depression. If
such
Linking Words
 people cannot recover quickly, their jobs or studies are often greatly affected, leading to even more problems, a vicious cycle. As for their families, the lengthy separation usually weakens the family bonds, despite the availability of communication technology. Children often do not feel their
absentee
Replace the word
absent
show examples
 parent’s love, causing resentment in some cases.
To conclude
Linking Words
, because of the general need to provide for the family and achieve personal success,
this
Linking Words
 trend of living apart is slowly becoming the norm.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the feeling of
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
show examples
 and weakened family bonds are often inevitable.

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task response
Explain both why the change happens and what it does to the family with clear, simple facts.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea and a clear finish.
coherence
Use more linking words to show cause and result (because, so, thus, as a result).
content
Add simple, real examples from work or school life to show impact.
language
Check phrasing to avoid long, hard sentences and to keep grammar simple.
content
The essay shows a clear path from cause to effect.
style
It keeps a formal tone and uses some strong phrases.
structure
It has a good basic structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demands of the workplace
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • individualism
  • erosion of family bonds
  • emotional distance
  • strain relationships
  • emotional support
  • negative impact
  • emotional, social, and academic challenges
  • neglected
  • guidance and support
  • stress and mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
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