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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the diffrent levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the propotion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make write least to 150 word.

The given bar chart
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of post-school
diplomas
Use synonyms
 in
Austrraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and the percentage of
induviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 these achievements by 1999.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
show examples
, it can be seen that male
students
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest Skilled Vocational
Diplomas
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 female student has the lowest
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, women
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest Undergraduate
Diplomas
Use synonyms
. In detail, men are into Skilled Vocational, Postgraduate
Diplomas
Use synonyms
 and Masters Degrees
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 around 35
pre
Use the right word
per
show examples
cent
Use synonyms
, 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1999
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, female
students
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 percentage of Undergraduate
Diplomas
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1999. In 1999, 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
female
Change preposition
of female
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 had
Bachelor's
Correct article usage
a Bachelor's
show examples
 Degree
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the male
students
Use synonyms
 had almost 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. futhermore
show examples
futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 1999, Postgraduate
Diplomas
Use synonyms
popular
Verb problem
were popular
show examples
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 male
students
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 70 per
Use synonyms
cent
Punctuation problem
cent,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 female
students
Use synonyms
 had nearly half
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can be seen that male
students
Use synonyms
 into qualifications than female
students
Use synonyms
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1999.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diplomas, students, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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