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Writing Samples
Band 3

People today are not as fit as they were in the past. What are the causes of this? What can governments do to deal with this issue?

There is no denying the fact that members of society today are more fit than in the past.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems and the solutions.
To begin
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 with, there are many causes for the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in
wights
Use the right word
weight
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.
Firstly
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, the main problem is
people
Correct word choice
that people
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 do not
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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 these days.
In other words
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, they spent a lot of time in their home rather than going to the gym to do some exercises.
In addition
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, they eat a lot of fast
food
Use synonyms
instead
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 of cooking
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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home.
For example
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, many people tend to use applications of junk
food
Use synonyms
, which
is effect
Wrong verb form
affects
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 their health. In terms of solutions, the government should put more
ruls
Correct your spelling
rules
 to the public,
for instance
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, you can not drive any car when you are above 140 kilograms. It
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also
Verb problem
is also
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 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 every employee has to reduce
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
wight
Use the right word
weight
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,
for example
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, if your
wight
Use the right word
weight
show examples
above
Verb problem
is above
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 140 kilograms, we will reduce your salary
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half.
Moreover
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, they could put more
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
in
Change preposition
on
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 the applications of fast
food
Use synonyms
, which will impact them in the long term.
Also
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, as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
members of
society
Add a comma
society,
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 they could tell each other to stop
fast
Verb problem
eating fast
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food
Use synonyms
 and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 more training,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will help to face
this
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 major concern. In conclusion, there are many causes of the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
wights
Use the right word
weight
show examples
. It is
also
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 true that governments can fix and find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a solution to
this
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 serious matter.

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Task response
The essay does not clearly state the task. It should say that people today may be less fit and list causes and what the government can do.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphs: intro, body (causes), body (solutions), conclusion. Use linking words like first, then, also, finally.
Grammatical range and accuracy
Check grammar and spelling. Fix words like 'wights', 'walking', 'weight', 'ruls', 'taxs'. Use simple and correct forms.
Task response
Give realistic ideas for government action, not extreme rules. For example, encourage more walking, better school meals, taxes on junk food, promote sport.
Content
Stay on topic. The prompt asks about causes and government steps; make sure examples fit this question and compare past and present fitness correctly.
Structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
Content organization
Some group of ideas is used (causes and solutions).
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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