IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from the countryside into the cities is happening in many parts of the world, resulting in the problems, especially in cities. What are the causes of this movement, and how can it be reversed Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, more people prefer to move from the countryside into the
cities
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to different challenges.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 movement and suggest some effective solutions to overcome it. On the one hand, there are several reasons why people move to the modern town.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 all the necessary facilities are available
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as healthcare services, schools, entertainment places, and different shops.
While
Linking Words
 in the rural area, there are a few old buildings.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals in the urban area have better job opportunities, as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there are a lot of companies and shops
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
workforce, compared to the
village
Punctuation problem
village,
show examples
 there are
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 number of shops.
For instance
Linking Words
, my brother
enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
show examples
 living in a big and modern city in order to complete his
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and get a job in a famous
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are different ways to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. The government play a vital role in
this
Linking Words
 regard. To illustrate, they should redevelop
this
Linking Words
 place with quality infrastructure and provide the important needs for their citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more families do not need to change their places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 allow young people to start their own business to encourage tourism.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Correct pronoun usage
it increase
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 brings some merits
such
Linking Words
 as job opportunities and essential needs, it
resulting
Wrong verb form
results in
show examples
 more problems in the future.
However
Linking Words
, the government and individuals should work together to improve the countryside and reduce the movement to the
cities
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Use clearer sentences. Some sentences are long and need to be split.
grammar
Fix verb form errors, like 'lead' to 'leads' or 'This lead to' should be 'This leads to', and general subject-verb issues.
development
Explain each idea more. Add one or two details for each cause and each solution.
coherence
Use linking words to show flow between ideas, for example 'first', 'also', 'however', 'as a result'.
grammar
Keep a steady tense and check subject-verb agreement.
content
Include a clear example that shows the point, not just general statements.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
The topic is clear and the writer tries to explain causes and solutions.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Economic opportunities
  • Job prospects
  • Education facilities
  • Healthcare services
  • Infrastructure development
  • Social dynamics
  • Cultural melting pot
  • Isolation
  • Agricultural challenges
  • Rural revitalization
  • Sustainable practices
  • Employment opportunities
  • Metropolitan areas
  • Natural disasters
  • Policy initiatives
  • Community engagement
  • Living standards
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