IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The government must ensure that citizens have a healthy diet, while others think this is an individuals' duty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued that in
this
Linking Words
 modern world, whether or not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments must ensure that citizens
shall
Verb problem
apply
show examples
practice a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
. Or should it be the responsibility of each
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 only? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to explain both views,
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, no need to debate that the government is capable
to put
Change preposition
of putting
show examples
 strict regulations
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 and beverage
section
Use the right word
sector
show examples
, especially to control the
contains
Replace the word
contents
show examples
 and ingredients. In
this
Linking Words
 case, I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fully agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the governments must put the limitations of sugar consumption on each product, since sugar is well-known as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number one cause of diabetes,
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 killer for urban people.
Hence
Linking Words
, sugar limitation will at least eliminate the most common illness villain among individuals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people
also
Linking Words
 believe that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 is
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. One body must
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 own health necessities, including
diet
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the metabolism of each individual is different
Change preposition
from than
show examples
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
others
Change preposition
of others
show examples
. One person might have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 tolerance of lactose,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not. In conclusion, the government
shall involve
Wrong verb form
should be involved
show examples
 in the
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my opinion, especially on common
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like diabetes
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sweet consumption
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each meal product.
However
Linking Words
, for
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, lactose
tolerancy
Correct your spelling
tolerance
, each
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 must
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
 and responsible
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own healthy consumption.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Use a clear plan. Say your view at once, then talk both sides, then repeat your view.
development
Give enough detail for each idea. Add example or reason to show why.
grammar
Fix basic grammar. Watch use of it, its, and plural forms.
coherence
Link your ideas with small words like 'also', 'but', 'however' to move from one point to next.
style
Choose simple words and short sentences to be easy to read.
content
The essay shows the aim to discuss both sides.
structure
It has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence
Link words are used to show order (To begin with, On the other hand, In conclusion).
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: