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Writing Samples
Band 4

it is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media . do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? what solutions can you offer to deal with this situation? isare

Some people believe that the growth of the juvenile crime rate is owing to violence in the
media
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will first suggest that the biggest
causes
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 of
this
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 phenomenon are that the
media
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 contains unsuitable content and school-age children face a lack of awareness about using the
media
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 ,
then
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 argue that putting age restrictions on using the
media
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 and training juveniles how to
usage
Replace the word
use
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 the
media
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 are the most viable solutions. The foremost
causes
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 of
this
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 issue are that the
media
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 has unsuitable content, like violent activities and pornography, which are simply available on the
media
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.
In other words
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, these contents
attempt to
Verb problem
pique
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 the children's curiosity
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, they
appliance
Use the right word
apply
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 these patterns as a standard behaviour which has an impact on their social activities.
Furthermore
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, teens do not have complete insight about how they
use
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 social
media
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 and how they could avoid falling into the
mobs
Check wording
mob's
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 traps by the
media
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,
thus
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, these kind of deficiencies could change their future character and lead them to commit criminal activities. Possible solutions to these
causes
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 would be to put age limits on the
media
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 usage by governments
which
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, which
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 means each country should make it a law.
For example
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,
according to
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 an article which was published by The Times magazine, President Donald Trump codified that teens do not have
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 right to
use
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 social
media
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 as a law.
Additionally
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, schools should hold courses to raise juvenile knowledge about social
media
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 in order to reduce its possibility of misuse of juveniles by gangs
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, teens will be more prepared to
use
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 social
media
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, and nothing can put them in danger on social
media
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.
To sum up
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, the main
causes
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 of rising juvenile crime are their freedom to
use
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 the
media
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 and their improper knowledge of it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
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, solving these
causes
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 will reduce the Juvenile crime rate.

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task response
Say your view clearly in the first line and keep to the task. Check that you answer all parts of the question.
coherence
Make the link between ideas in each paragraph. Start with a short topic sentence and use linking words to show the map of your essay.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph and build it with clear evidence. Some sentences are long and hard; split them.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Pick common words and fix common errors like 'usage' should be 'use', 'appliance' should be 'use' or 'follow'
examples
Be careful with facts. If you name a source, be right. Give true and clear examples that support your point.
structure
The essay shows a plan with causes and solutions.
organization
Intro and a closing line are present.
content
Some examples are used to show ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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