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Writing Samples
Band 4

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many aspects of
life
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 have changed compared to the past, and one of the most
influntial
Correct your spelling
influential
 changes is the rise of
pressure
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 on their
children
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,
hence
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 some
parents
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 are putting a
lot
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 of
tasks
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 on their
children
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 to succeed.
This
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 essay will show some reasons for
this
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 issue and present
Correct article usage
the
show examples
type of
this
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 development.
To begin
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 with, there are some reasons
for
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apply
show examples
why
children
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assigned
Verb problem
are assigned
show examples
mant
Correct your spelling
many
tasks
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 by their
parents
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.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 seek to significantly
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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 their
children
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, and they could
assigned
Wrong verb form
assign
show examples
 a
lot
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 of
pressure
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.
In other words
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,
parents
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 wanted their
children
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positive
Verb problem
to be positive
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membership
Replace the word
members
show examples
 or succeed in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
thus
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 they
putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 a
lot
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 of
pressure
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.
For example
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, the
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
 and studies have shown that
children
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 who do many
tasks
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
because
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apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have experience.
Secondly
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, some
parents
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 think
children
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 should help their
parents
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 in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It is
also
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 possible to say that family membership should
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
 and
divided
Wrong verb form
divide
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
everybody
Correct word choice
so that everybody
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what can do
Correct word order
can do what
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 should play
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 role in
family
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the family
show examples
.
Finally
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, there are some benefits of putting a
lot
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 of
pressure
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 on their
children
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as self-reliance and learning.
On the other hand
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,
although
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this
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 issue has some positive
, it
Check wording
aspects, it
show examples
 has some negative
development
Check wording
aspects
show examples
,
such
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 as
children
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 should enjoy
with
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apply
show examples
their time since they
Verb problem
are stil
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stil
Correct your spelling
still
 under
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
.
Moreover
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, each stage of human
life
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 has characteristics like childhood, but
if
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as
show examples
 they increase
age
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in age
show examples
,
parents
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 can
putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 more
tasks
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. By way of conclusion, there are some positive and negative
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
,so I tend to
balanced
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
tasks
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan what you want to say before you write. Make a short plan with 3 ideas and a clear view.
structure
Put one idea in each paragraph. Start with a small sentence that tells what the paragraph is about.
linking
Use easy joining words like first, also, but, next, for example.
grammar
Check your grammar and every day words are used in the correct form.
content
Give real but simple examples from life to show your point.
task response
Make your position clear in the intro or near the end of the first paragraph and restate it in the conclusion.
structure
The writer tries to answer the question and discuss both sides.
content
There is an effort to give reasons why parents press their children.
vocabulary
Some attempt is made to use examples to back up points.
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