IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries , more and more fathers are staying at home to look after their children while mothers are working. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

These days, in many parts of the world, an increasing number of fathers are engaged in childcare and are not working.
Mothers
Use synonyms
 are,
therefore
Linking Words
, taking a financial responsibility and working. A lack of
skills
Use synonyms
 in fathers and incorrect moral behaviour can be primary reasons for
this
Linking Words
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a negative change. The main incentive for males to stay at home is that several of them do not acquire adequate knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
 to apply for a job. They are not,
consequently
Linking Words
, capable of finding a well-paid job which can cover all expenses. These days, numerous young boys allocate their time to play video games
instead
Linking Words
 of studying or learning new essential
skills
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, when they have a family, they face challenges with being employed in a prestigious company,
not having
Verb problem
due to a lack of
show examples
 proper abilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in many cultures
men
Punctuation problem
, men
show examples
 do not possess a sense of responsibility
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 staying at home over working. They do not fully understand their role in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
; pride, courage and bravery mean nothing for them.
However
Linking Words
, it is
completely a
Correct word order
a completely
show examples
 negative alteration, as it impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the formation of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 character. It is a fact that
mothers
Use synonyms
 are much more patient and are inclined to
upbring
Correct your spelling
raise
 offspring better compared to fathers. They are aware of cooking nutritional meals and teaching hygiene.
Besides
Linking Words
,
mothers
Use synonyms
 can milk the kids naturally
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is indispensable for the juvenile. It is proven scientifically that
mothers
Use synonyms
' milk
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 all the
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 vitamins and minerals that are important for the growth of a
kid
Check wording
child
show examples
. As long as babies are not fed properly,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possibility of catching diseases will be high, influencing
overall
Linking Words
 health. In conclusion, not having critical
skills
Use synonyms
 and improper character are the driving forces for men's staying at home. A negative impact on the youth behaviour and
health related
Use the right word
health-related
show examples
 issues
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the disadvantageous
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
.

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task
Give a clear plan in the introduction: say why dads stay at home and if you see this as a good or bad move.
task
Show a balance: note some good sides, not just bad, even if you think it is bad overall.
content
Explain each idea with a small example from real life or simple facts.
coherence
Make the flow better: begin each paragraph with a clear main idea and use linking words to move to the next idea.
lexical
Use simple, clear words and check spelling. Do not use hard words just to show 'range'.
content
The writer makes a clear view that the change is negative.
organization
There is a plan of introduction, body and conclusion.
cohesion
Some links help move ideas from one to another.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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