IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Enhance future lifestyle is this a negative or positive development?

It is true that
parents
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 put too much
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to become successful in life.
This
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 happens
due to
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 increasing competition. I think
this
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 is a negative development, because it may reduce their ability to think independently, and they can use alternative methods for gaining success. Competition is everywhere, whether in school or at the workplace. Nowadays,
parents
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 know very well how to prepare their kids for
future
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 challenges, so they often force their
children
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 to get good grades in academics. In
this
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 way,
children
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 not only secure their
future
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 but
also
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 gain better employment opportunities.
For example
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, many students in high-performing schools are forced to attend extra tuition classes every day, even after school
long
Correct word choice
apply
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hours, just to score higher than their classmates.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can fulfil their dreams when they realise the real value of hard work and education.
However
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, putting excessive
pressure
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 on
children
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 can negatively affect them in several ways.
Firstly
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,
children
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 feel upset and stressed when their
parents
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 control them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and push them to achieve
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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goals that are impossible for them. Because of that, they lose their freedom
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the ability to decide what they want in
future
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.
Secondly
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, peer
pressure
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 has more influence
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, and friends can suggest alternative ways to obtain success easily,
such
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 as
use
Replace the word
using
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Ai
Use the right word
AI
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,
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
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bribe
Fix the agreement mistake
bribes
show examples
 or presents to get higher scores, or even
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
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 on leaked exam papers, etcetera. I think these ways are beneficial for
temporary
Correct article usage
the temporary
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 in
future
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, they have to face a lot of challenges, where dedication, hard work
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 required.
To sum up
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, undoubtedly, the era of competition compels
parents
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 to
pressurise
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
 their
children
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 to succeed.
Children
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 will get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 score under
pressure
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation may mentally
stressed
Wrong verb form
stress
show examples
 them.
Therefore
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, I think,
children
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 rely on their
parents
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 for
taking
Use the right word
making
show examples
 small decisions, and opt
substitute
Change preposition
for substitute
show examples
 methods to lead a successful life.

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planning
Plan your writing. Put one idea in each part. Use easy links like and, but, so, also to flow from idea to idea.
structure
State your view at the start. Give one or two clear ideas in each part. Give simple examples that fit the idea.
grammar
Check grammar and small form errors. Fix common mistakes like These days, and keep tense steady.
perspective
You show a clear view that pressure can be bad.
coherence
You use some link words to show order and contrast.
examples
You give real examples like extra tuition and exam misdeeds.
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