IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe capital punishment must be banned while others think in order to protect individuals; criminals who commit certain crimes must be executed. What is your opinion?

The
punishment
Use synonyms
 for certain
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed should be carried out
accordingly
Linking Words
. Some may argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 should be abolished,
where as
Use the right word
whereas
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others believe that convicts who commit heinous
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be eliminated. I support the latter opinion. On the one hand, the severity of various offences should be put into consideration when a sentencing is
on going
Use the right word
ongoing
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a criminal who is convicted of terrorism should be awarded the death penalty compared to one who is involved in minor
crimes
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as petty theft. Progressively, by
this
Linking Words
 result, terrorists would understand the weight of their actions and know that engaging in
such
Linking Words
 acts of violence would
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 lead to the end of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. More so, the capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 poses a threat to
suspecting
Wrong verb form
suspected
show examples
 criminals, as it prevents them from executing these heinous acts,
by
Correct word choice
and by
show examples
 so doing, it keeps the economy safe.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the total ban of the death penalty is detrimental to the safety of the citizens because some of these convicts would be released into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they may end up committing the same crime they were punished for. Research study on
safest
Correct article usage
the safest
show examples
 countries identified that those
partaking in
Verb problem
that practice
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 have a better chance of creating a safer environment for their citizens. Progressively, the abolishment of
this
Linking Words
 act would enable more terrorists
carry
Verb problem
to carry
show examples
 out violent
crimes
Use synonyms
 because the
punishment
Use synonyms
does'nt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 do proper justice to these criminals.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some may argue that not all offenders do get caught
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 isn't very effective in reducing crime so it should be scrapped off but
this
Linking Words
 only leads to incompetence in the justice system.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the ban of the death penalty
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 is considered to be less effective in tackling serious violent
crimes
Use synonyms
 because it
does'nt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 properly persecute these criminals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Expand ideas with more detail and clear, specific examples for each point.
coherence
Improve flow between sentences and ideas by using clearer transitions and linking words.
language
Check grammar and spelling to make the text easy to read and understand.
lexical
Use simple but accurate words; avoid long, complex phrases that can confuse the reader.
content
Clear stance on the issue is shown early in the essay.
structure
Good use of contrast phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present and linked to the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: