IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people belives the school should focus on the computer and scenices not music

I believe the
music
Use synonyms
 is very crucial just as computer and other sciences. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I will do
Correct article usage
a comparision
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comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 where
is
Verb problem
apply
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possible and give the reasons why focusing on
music
Use synonyms
 is so important
as
Change preposition
from
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 my point of view. Since the
beganing
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of human existence on
this
Linking Words
 earth,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 arts
played
Verb problem
have played
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 a vital role in different areas
such
Linking Words
 as learning,
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 transfer, emotional impacts, message
delivering
Replace the word
delivery
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, exploring
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different cultures and even war!
Music
Use synonyms
 is one type of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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, and
very
Correct article usage
a very
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foundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 one
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
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 beauty
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 it is
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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 common language which everyone understands without
need
Correct article usage
the need
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 for
transalation
Correct your spelling
translation
.
Moreover
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, with
this
Linking Words
 powerful
advantage
Punctuation problem
advantage,
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 could anyone imagine how
this
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 would have
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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 on
Correct article usage
the varity
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varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things
Punctuation problem
, like
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like
Change preposition
as
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what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mentioned above and other scenarios.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the computer and other sciences are essentials as well,
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
, we all know that the world
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 different where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology is everywhere.
Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
, a lot of things around us
converted
Verb problem
are being converted
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 to
digitaliztion
Correct your spelling
digitalisation
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
wordwide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money and invest in
digitalization
Change the spelling
digitalisation
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, digital transformation
is
Verb problem
has
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became
Wrong verb form
become
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 a necessity and
this
Linking Words
 is non-negotiable.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
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, every
sectors
Check wording
sector's
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 private or
govermental
Correct your spelling
governmental
 should respond to the change and
adap
Correct your spelling
adapt
 to be up to date. In conclusion,
All
Fix capitalization
all
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 of
Music
Use synonyms
, computer and other kinds of sciences are very important
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
Change preposition
From
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 the school should find a way to balance the focus between them in a way that every area
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 the same importance as
Correct article usage
the other
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.

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task response
Explain your main ideas with a clear plan. Add one or two clear examples for each point.
coherence
Make the flow smooth. Use clear paragraphs and simple linking words to show how ideas are linked.
content
You present your view and compare music with tech.
structure
You try to use linking words to show contrast and balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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