IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music plays an important role in society while others believe that it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the issue of
music
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 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some
individuals
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 maintain that
music
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 offers a variety of benefits that extend far beyond mere activities in society, I contend that it is an activity of entertainment.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that
music
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 plays a crucial role in society. A crucial consideration is that
music
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 helps
people
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 improve many
skills
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 in their lives, which highlights that it helps
people
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 enhance cognitive
skills
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, communication, and creative freedom .
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is that it supports
individuals
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 in connecting with the natural environment
,
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apply
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 and fosters deep thinking
skills
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it enhances deep thinking
skills
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,
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apply
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 and has different perspectives in life.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that
music
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 is the only method that helps
people
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 entertain. A significant factor to explore is that it helps relax after working or studying a long day, which underscores that listening to
music
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 can serve as an efficient way to relax themself, recharge their battery, and boost their mood.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that listening to
music
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 supports
individuals
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 in improving many important
skills
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.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that it helps persons heal, expand knowledge about vocabulary, and improve listening
skills
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. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on
music
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 in life highlights that it plays an important role in society, and it is far beyond mere entertainment. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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music
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 helps
people
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 enhance many
skills
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 in their lives.
This
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 examination prompts
individuals
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 to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

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task
State your view clearly from the start and keep it clear through the essay.
task
Add clear reasons for each point and give at least one simple example.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one idea and start with a topic sentence.
language
Use short, plain sentences and check for grammar mistakes.
content
It talks about both sides and shows a clear view.
structure
Length is good and the ending restates the idea.
coherence
There are some linking words to show a link between ideas.
style
Formal tone fits IELTS writing task 2.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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