The bar graph indicates sales figures for reading materials from 2002 to 2012.

The given bar chart illustrates the data on the number of
books
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read by people based
of
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on
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four different kinds of topics over a period of 10 years, starting from 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
the number of
saling
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selling
books
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fluctuated over a period, history
books
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were the most popular
one
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ones
show examples
, and
hobbies
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hobby
show examples
ones
Check wording
books
show examples
were the least
favorit
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favourite
among people. At the
beginnig
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beginning
of the period, the rate of
saling
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selling
books
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related to history was well over 4000 copies, and it increased to
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
show examples
at
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of
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10000 copies.
Then
Linking Words
,it dropped suddenly in 2010 to finish at well over 8000 copies in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, art
books
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started at well over 1000, and it continued to
raise
Use the right word
rise
show examples
to reach the peak at 4000 in 2012. Turning to other subjects, entertainment topics started at 1000.
While
Linking Words
it fluctuated around a generally increasing trend, it saw a steadiness from 2008 to 2010. After that, it reached over 3000 in 2012.
Finally
Linking Words
, hobbies
books
Use synonyms
beagn
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began
at
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apply
show examples
with a minor
in
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apply
show examples
significance, and peaked around under 1000.
Then
Linking Words
, it fluctuated moderately to
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
well under 1000 in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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