IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries,many people do not have enough money to access the internet.Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many individuals from different nations cannot afford to access the
internet
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.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the
internet
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 has become crucial for daily life, and considering that the
internet
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 helps
governments
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 to communicate with the citizens, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
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 should provide
internet
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 services for everyone. The
internet
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 is very important for all community members.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 lots of our needs depend on the
internet
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,
such
Linking Words
 as teaching, communication and shopping.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that lots of our needs depend on the
internet
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, if the
internet
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 were not accessible,
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives would undeniably be difficult because the
internet
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 provides so many crucial services.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 are responsible for making
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 lives easier. The
internet
Use synonyms
 helps authorities to communicate with the public. In so many situations, the
internet
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 was a useful way to warn and inform the public about so many disasters that would negatively affect them.
For example
Linking Words
, when a storm is coming, lots of people are being informed about the storm by social media, which cannot be
accessible
Replace the word
accessed
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 without the
internet
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. In conclusion, in some nations where many people cannot access the
internet
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due to
Linking Words
 the lack of money, the authorities are responsible
to provide
Change preposition
for providing
show examples
internet
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 services. Not just because the
internet
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 is important for daily life, but
also
Linking Words
 because it is very crucial for
governments
Use synonyms
 to communicate with the public.

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structure
Take a clear position in the first paragraph and keep it straight through the essay.
development
Add more points and explain them. Right now ideas are simple and not fully developed.
grammar
Use less repetition. Replace phrases like 'Due to the fact that' with 'Because' or 'Since'.
grammar
Check grammar: 'people lives' should be 'people's lives'.
cohesion
Use simple link words to show order: first, also, for example, in addition.
responsibility
Clear stance that government should help provide internet.
content
Good example of storms and warning via social media.
organization
Structure follows typical essay form: intro, body, conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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