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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that famous celebrities are poor role models for teenagers, while others think they can be a source of inspiration. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of celebrities as role models for young people

I’m going to discuss how some
people
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 believe that famous
celebrities
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 are poor
role
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models
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 for teenagers,
while
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 others think they can be a source of inspiration. There are definitely advantages and
disadvantages
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 all of them have valid points. So, what are the advantages and
disadvantages
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 of having
celebrities
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 as
role
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models
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? For the first disadvantage, I'd say that
people
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 are raising their standards
way
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 too high. Some
people
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 start hating their looks
,
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apply
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 because
celebrities
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 look
way
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 better in their opinion, even though most
celebrities
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' looks are actually fake. Others become disappointed in themselves, because they can’t succeed
so
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as
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 fast as their
role
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 model, who
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for
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, for
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example
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example,
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 became a millionaire at 18 years old. For the second disadvantage, I’d say it is that some
celebrities
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 definitely don’t make the best choices and teenagers start copying them.
For instance
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, they start using drugs, drinking, becoming self-obsessed and self-interested. Those choices ruin teenagers’ lives
and
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, and
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 some even lose their bright future by getting
in
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into
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 prison or getting a criminal record. Now for the first advantage, I think having a celebrity as a
role
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 model is a great idea, especially if you want to become an actor or actress, a film producer, or become some sort of celebrity yourself, because you can have their
way
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 as
reference
Correct article usage
a reference
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. For reference, if you want to become a singer and you love heavy metal music, you can choose a famous group that you like and try to follow their footsteps, create in a similar
way
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 but unique to you, try to progress
similarly
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, etc. And for the second advantage, if a person is facing some sort of conundrum, if it’s possible, you can try to communicate with the
role
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 model and try to ask for their opinion. It may help you resolve the issue or just give you a boost of self-confidence and lighten your mood.
Although
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 there are some self-obsessed
celebrities
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, but
also
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there’s
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there are also
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 some who want to help others achieve their goals or help with issues. And for the third and
last
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 advantage, some
celebrities
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 are showing the right path
,
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;
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 they show you that you need to be selfless and participate and donate to charities, help the weak and help save the planet. And to be honest, young
people
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 start doing the same, not all of them, but it still makes a difference. In conclusion, we should have
celebrities
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 as
role
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models
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, but we should choose wisely
,
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;
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 not all of them are a good choice.
Celebrities
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 as
role
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models
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 can help or harm your life
,
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;
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they might help you become more selfless, but some of them
also
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 can make you a more self-interested person.
People
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 should choose what they believe is right and they should do it
and
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, and
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 what is wrong and not to do it. But at the moment I see more advantages than
disadvantages
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, so I’ll say it's a good idea, but if you see more
disadvantages
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 an alternative to
celebrities
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 should be your parents or someone you know and is close to you.

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improvement
Plan your answer before you write. This helps you lock in your view and keep order.
improvement
Make your view clear in the start or end of the essay so the reader knows your stance.
improvement
Give one strong idea per paragraph and add more details and clear examples to support it.
improvement
Use linking words to guide the reader from one idea to the next.
improvement
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that shows its main idea.
improvement
Try shorter sentences and simple form to avoid long run on lines.
content
The essay talks about both sides of the issue.
content
Some clear examples are given to show points.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion that state the topic and view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • celebrity
  • teenager
  • influence
  • inspiration
  • example
  • behavior
  • attitude
  • hard work
  • talent
  • success
  • charity
  • responsibility
  • media
  • image
  • reality
  • balance
  • critical thinking
  • guidance
  • peer pressure
  • privacy
  • fame
  • money
  • ethics
  • kindness
  • resilience
  • discipline
  • goal
  • study
  • sport
  • health
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