IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that providing little cash to children can make them responsible adults. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it can help them understand the importance of earning
money
Use synonyms
while
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also
Linking Words
 making them independent.
Small
Correct article usage
A small
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 portion of
money
Use synonyms
 provided to growing children can teach them how to use it in a wise manner,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 teaching them the value of earnings.
For example
Linking Words
, giving a calculated amount of
sum
Check wording
money
show examples
 to a
school going
Use the right word
school-going
show examples
 child
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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 the start of the week for their weekly expenditure, will teach them the value of organised spending. The child would start calculating how they could spend that
money
Use synonyms
 to
suffice
Verb problem
last
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 for a week. Ultimately, making them understand the importance of
money
Use synonyms
 and the ways of its wise
spenditure
Correct your spelling
expenditure
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, an early habit of deciding where to spend, will aid in building a strong
decision making
Use the right word
decision-making
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 character
which
Punctuation problem
which,
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inturn
Use the right word
in turn
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, will gradually
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 a sense of independence.
For instance
Linking Words
, I was given £100 for my weekly expenses when I was a teenager, letting me decide how to use the
money
Use synonyms
 provided to me.
Due to
Linking Words
 early exposure to
such
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, I could easily make tough decisions and
wheigh
Correct your spelling
weigh
 their
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 when I grew.
This
Linking Words
 greatly helped me choose the right career for myself.
Thus
Linking Words
, a small step of letting me make my own decisions
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 turned me into a calculative and decisive individual. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of weekly pocket
money
Use synonyms
 given to youngsters, as it will
subsequently
Linking Words
 help them grow a stronger personality with a grounded character as an elder.

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structure
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph with a strong, plain sentence.
grammar/vocabulary
Use short, simple sentences to avoid errors and keep a steady flow.
examples
Give more clear and exact examples that show how a small amount of money helps, with what you want the person to learn.
grammar
Check spelling and word form to fix words like spenditure, wheigh and inturn.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas are linked and to move from one idea to the next.
content
Your stance on the topic is clear and you repeat it in many lines.
support
You use an example to support your point.
structure
Your text has paragraphs that show some order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
What to do next:
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